Description:
In this season's premiere, "Episode 1401," Jake returns to the Malibu mansion where he first met Jillian.
M says:
Great. A house full of memories of his intense love for Jillian. Was there not another among the surfeit of Malibu Mansions that Fleiss could have rented?
Tonight his life will start to change forever Whaaat? "His life will start to change forever"?? Sounds like a painfully slow and boring process...
Description: as 25 gorgeous bachelorettes have traveled across the U.S. to meet him
M: I wonder how many are from Texas...
Description: and they will do anything to become his wife and share a life with him.
M: And some of them will even do anything just to be on tv.
D: The party takes off quickly as the women swoon when Jake makes the rounds and greets each bachelorette.
M: Nothing like swooning women to make a party take off quickly...
D: One charming woman confesses her fear of flying,
M: She should be more afraid of what Fleiss is going to do with her editing...
D: and an alluring teacher causes a stir when she dons a revealing flight attendant's uniform and steals Jake away from an unsuspecting single mom.
M: Alluring and revealing: One. Unsuspecting single mom: Zero.
D: After an athletic hottie grabs Jake...
M: Wonder where she grab him...
D: to play touch football, it's blondes vs. brunettes in the first sexy, barefoot-in-eveningwear football scrimmage in "Bachelor" history!
M: As opposed to all those other less sexy barefoot-in-eveningwear scrimmages in Bachelor history?
D: The competition intensifies when Chris Harrison introduces the "first impression" rose, and announces a twist: the ladies not only must impress Jake, but also last's season's happy couple - Jillian and Ed.
M: Why? Are they all going to move together to a polygamous commune??
D: The former Bachelorette and her fiance join Jake to help him with his tough decision,
M: That's because Jake can't decide between the women -- he's desperately in love with them all.
D: and they will also share a special announcement with him.
M: Wonder what that will be? That they don't wear underwear?
D: Finally, Jake must eliminate ten of the 25 women the first night, leaving 15 to compete for his affections, and in the end, his heart.
M: That's right. Don't compete for his heart until the end. Keep your options open and just go for his affections for now. (Do they actually pay someone to write this drivel?)
D: Romantic and adventurous dates will reach new heights this season,
M: New heights? Compared to the drama and scandal of the past two seasons? What can top Jason's dumping Melissa for Molly, or Ed's departure and return? How about Wes' supposed girlfriend and Ed's real ones? New heights? Jake? Naah...
D: Secrets are revealed, emotions run deep and one bachelorette crosses a line that should never be crossed, with devastating results.
M: Other lines that should never be crossed: stripping down to bare buttocks and diving in a pool, crying and blowing your snot into a kleenex and then immediately offering your mouth up for a kiss, being on the show while sexting other women.
D: Will Jake finally find the special woman who is right for him or will this nice guy's dream of love end in heartbreak?
M: Didn't it already once? How many more weeping over balcony scenes can viewers take?
Oh, I can't wait for this season....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
M,
ReplyDeleteI would rather read your take any day. Too funny. Thanks.
HCM
Mel
Thanks, Mel.
ReplyDeleteI have begun posting occasionally on the Bach Board, in preparation for Jake's season, when I intend to start musing in earnest.
Something tells me Fleiss will give me more than enough fodder...
How are you? People seem to have drifted away from this site lately.
Miss you all,
M.
Yes Remmi, there is a Santa Claus and he brought you Marianna's Musings just in time for the holidays! I'll have to go check out the BB for your recent input M.
ReplyDeleteIt has been very quiet here of late. I guess everyone is busy leading up to the holidays. I miss all of you as well!!
xo Remmi
M,
ReplyDeleteOH MY!!!! LOL that is VERY funny! I can't believe that Ed and Jillian are back to "help"? Probably just announce that they are getting married. We will get to see them fake that they are in love a little bit longer. Great.
Another single Mom? The flight attendant outfit sounds kind of hilarious, as does the football game. I will be watching as usual but you are right, this is all relentless Fleissing...
Hi koala, hi Remmi! Leenie, where you at? (to quote the vernacular)...
ReplyDeleteRemmi, I have added my thoughts to the threads entitled "Hot off the press" and "THIS IS A TV SHOW EVERYONE - NOT REAL LIFE!"
I also started a thread entitled "Jillian's Season: Looking back at Chris Harrison's words".
See you on the board, if not here...
M.
I haven't been on the BB in a good long while. Will probably wait until the season starts (BTW when does it start?) I am still flabbergasted at Jillians season. Ick.
ReplyDeleteI had a peek at your posts on the BB, M. Well said, logical posts with your own special dash of humour, as usual. I've been avoiding posting over there for the most part since the end of the Bachelorette. It's like a hornets nest some days. I can't wait until the masses move on to Jake's season!!
ReplyDeleteVery funny M! The ABC descriptions make it that much easier for me to boycott the whole season. ABC really intends to give Ed and Jillian veto power over Jake's choices? Can you imagine how Jillian would have responded if Jake had veto power over her choices? Yuck!
ReplyDeleteHi Jim! Miss you and Nadya.
ReplyDeleteAnyone seen Leen?????
M.
M,
ReplyDeleteYou are soooo talented. I'm sure you'll bring much joy to the ABC board since the hunting season is upon us once more. Hot Mama had the hook up for camo from Walmart when Reid needed eau-de-elk parfum last season.
I believe Jake's gonna be shot right between the eyes this go round.
Enjoy it!
Papa Jim,
ReplyDeleteYou are DESPERATELY wanted by Musers and Reidsters alike on the Bach Board. Please do grace us with your presence and male perspective. I swore off the season but then curiosity killed me. It really wasn't too horrible, just horribly scripted. And Jake is very sweet (though cheesy) and completely flabbergasted by some of the very seductive vixens that were cast. Also, Reality Steve spoiled the entire season so it's kinda more enjoyable to watch and study it.
Ok, that's my case to recruit you back to us...
AS WELL AS EVERY OTHER CONTRIBUTOR AND FOLLOWER OF THIS BLOG! (that was my attempt at being very very very loud).
Come party with us for two months. It's bound to be nutso!
I wrote a ridiculous post called Affirmations for the 25 Bachelorettes. Go find it, Papa Jim!
Leen, this presents me with a difficult choice. I successfully avoided the show this week, as well as the Bach Board. Nadya has no access to TV on weekdays so she is less subject to temptation. Now I must contemplate throwing myself into that snake pit? I thought the idea this blog in part was to provide a safe haven from both the Bachelor francise and the nastier fans.
ReplyDeleteHow was the first episode?
This is not a matter to be taken lightly. I miss the exchange among this small group (I admit I've failed to keep up my part lately). I don't miss the personal attacks both on and off the show or the debate of just what parts of reality TV are in fact real (I had more than enough of that as a juror on a recent trial). I'm not sure I'm up for the combination of the Bachelor and the Board. I'll give it some thought.
Jim
Papa,
ReplyDeleteI understand your reservations. Hopefully, M, Remmi, HCM, and whoever else has watched can add their takes at some point.
Honest to goodness, (ask Heidi, Remmmi, and M), I kinda swore off this season myself, so jaded was I by last season. (No. Way :) ) But, thanks to this board--where I hashed out everything to know that the show is entirely scripted--and Reality Steve's spoiler blog, I found freedom to watch it critically rather than emotionally. Odd to write that, but it's true. You do pick favorites immediately, but somehow, by knowing how very scripted it is, you keep a distance. I'm very interested, given you and Nadya's film background, to hear your views on certain scenes/staging. Plus, once M posted her musings, old posters came out of the woodwork! It was like the old days! As much as we love this blog, it has slowed in the last few months; given the diversity of the ABC board, I think many gather there just for the community. My great hope is that we will collect more friends to bring to this little blog.
I know that you and Nads are very protective of Jake. Rest assured that he is well-liked still by many with the 2nd highest (I think) premiere of the franchise, higher than Jillian's. The non-board world really love him. As I mentioned earlier he is a bit cheesy but he's also very gentlemanly. He really listens to many of the girls and is just amazed by their beauty, their interest. He also knows where he comes off "too perfect." Any cheesiness really is Fleiss's doing. More importantly, Jake does not deny that he is owned by Fleiss essentially while also saying that it's a show produced for entertainment and then that he tried to stay true to himself. He grows on you:)
One last thing: You might find that you needn't invest as much as we did (ok, maybe it was just me) last season. If you're interested (and it's pretty darn impossible to avoid it), Reality Steve spoiled the entire season two days after the premiere by revealing very specific details about upcoming episodes, the F4, and the F1. So no need to overanalyze articles, screencaps, etc. Granted, some (including me) have a small amount of skepticism about the show actually being so tidyily wrapped up in the package RS hands us; regardless, it's a whole lotta time back on your hands :)
It's good to be among friends again. And maybe one day we'll get another Reid or a real love story. Until then, I'll take this time to hone my edit analysis skills, laugh, and enjoy the witty remarks of Musers/Reidsters reconvened. And if anyone gets nasty, well, we're a small army who've got your back :)
I hope you join us. We miss you, but if not, we understand and love you (and Nads) very much still.
And, just for you:
Reid called. He wants to know how you're coming along with the lavender suit. He said if you don't hurry, Ed might wear it to him and Jill's wedding.