Happy Valentine's Day -- Everyday

Three Essentials of Couple Etiquette

Yet, even in loving relationships, problems occur when we let it all hang out: We leave the gas tank empty, hog the hot water or break wind in bed. When analysing the responses from a 600-couple survey the Emily Post Institute conducted in 2004, researchers found the key to resolving all that. Couples "who communicated well ... had it made," says Post of the results. "You have to think 'what will be good for us, not just for me.' "

Where Do You Start?

Actions: They do speak louder than words, especially if they come across as inconsiderate. "Ripping through TV channels so fast no one can see them or not cleaning up after yourself in the kitchen are things we could do differently if we stopped to think how they affect others," Post says.

But consideration goes both ways, he adds. A reader once asked if it's rude of her husband to come home and watch TV for an hour before talking to her. "It is, but you also need to give him space to switch gears," he told her. "Instead of being angry, communicate what you want after he relaxes."

Words: Please, thank you and excuse me. "It's so simple, but the kind of words you use could really ease problems, or make things worse," says Post.

Appearance: "How you look is not just about you," says Post, "it reflects on your partner and how you feel about them."

The Top 10 Laws of Couple Etiquette

1. No Smack Talk

"Demeaning attitudes are the biggest problem in relationship etiquette by far," says Post. "You could call it rudeness, but it's being treated like you're not the most important person they're with. People will forgive not holding open the door or not eating with the right fork. But put yourself on a pedestal and treat your partner like their opinion doesn't count? It's the kind of thing they remember for a long time. But most of all, don't be a nag. One thing that any couple needs to do is look at each others' foibles and not expect to change that person 180 degrees. Not everything is a deal breaker."

2. Learn to Compromise

"Compromise is not always a 50-50 thing. Each time an issue comes up, take it individually. Typically, successful couples resolve this type of issue by deferring to the partner to whom the issue matters more."

3. Avoid Blame Game

"Don't hold your choices over someone else's head, if it doesn't work out," says Post. "Don't start pointing fingers, because it's not worth it. Instead, if a glitch arises, solve the problem and move on."

4. Make a Date Night

"I cringe when I hear couples say they don't have time for each other," Post says in his book. "Children should never be used as an excuse for not dealing with each other. A successful couple works just as hard on their own relationship as they do in raising their children."

5. Deal with In-Laws

"You must get along with your in-laws, so make an effort, converse with them and recognize that you have to find something in them that's good and worthwhile," says Post, who recommends negotiating in-law visits beforehand and banning open-ended stays.

6. Talk About It

"Don't let work become something mysterious that you do away from home. Talk to your partner about the good and the bad, your hopes and disappointments, so they have a sense of what's going on in your life outside of the house."

7. Have Fun Holidays

"Take time to slow down and focus on each other. Seize this opportunity to reconnect with the person you want to be with for the rest of your life."

8. Don't Flirt

"Understand what your limits are and never say anything that you'd be embarrassed to have your Significant Other hear," advises Post.

9. It's the Little Things

"Be aware of the value of little gestures," he says.

"Make them a coffee in the morning, write a love note and put it in their briefcase, keep their favourite toothpaste on hand ... it's amazing how this will impact on people."

10. Appreciate Their Efforts

"Instead of thinking about all the things that you do around the house, take a moment to think of what your Significant Other does."