For the third time whilst reading Marianna's thread my computer has crashed.
Not being technically savvy, is it possible that someone can "hack" a thread and cause this to happen?
Love reading your musings Marianna but hesitate to do so now. Can you post on this site?
Susan
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"Everything is about to change" announces Chris Harrison at the start of the show. "You're leaving the house forever."
ReplyDeleteBut before viewers dare think that all the women are going to be sent home, two gigantic luxury RV's pull up and Jake sells us his bizarre notion that this sort of simple, rustic camping is what he is all about. Yes, Jake. Just you, seven girls, the RV's, a catering van and accomodations for the production crew.
Kathyrn, upon seeing the RV's parked outside the mansion, proclaims "I was excited because when I saw the RV's I knew we were going to get out of the house and go somewhere." Now there's a girl who really knows how to put two and two together.
That somewhere turns out to be along the Pacific Coast Highway, with stops in a vineyard, Pismo Beach and Big Sur. The girls hurriedly go pack as many high heels as they can and board their new homes.
In an uncharacteristically timid move, Fleiss does not put Vienna and Ali in the same RV.
The monster machines motor off just in time for us to hear Ella say that she's ready to get her relationship with Jake "rolling down the highway of love." If you look really closely, you can just about see the teleprompter.
Somewhere along the way, Ella picks up a snake and holds it out to Vienna, who runs away shrieking. A perfect portent for the forked tongues and venom awaiting us yet, I'm sure.
Jake roars up on the ubiquitous motorcycle (that Chris Harrison revealed he hates to ride) and spouts this Fleiss-mandated inane comment: "I can't believe how far we've come already and just how much further we're going to go."
A tent is introduced and, for a moment, we are reminded of another couple who spent the night in a tent. But nothing like that will happen here. Jake may have pitched his tent but he's keeping it tighly zipped up for now.
Gia arrives for her coveted one-on-one date, all silky kimono dress, skinny tight-clad legs and stilettos. Perfect camping wear. "She's totally wrong for him," asserts Vienna, completely oblivious to the blatant irony of that statement, at least in the opinion of every other girl in the group.
But once Gia puts down her Louis Vuitton bag and kicks off her Jimmy Choos, a transformation occurs and the fashion-model city girl shows her vulnerable side, blushing and gushing like a teenager in the throes of first love. She declares Jake's kiss to be "the best kiss of my life!" Take THAT, Carl Pavano!
Jake is utterly charmed and calls it "the beginning of a fairy tale." They cuddle under a blanket, while commiserating about being misfits in high school and fulfilling missed high school dreams, such as playing spin the bottle. Later, Jake pins his pin on Gia and asks her to go to the school prom. Okay, not really.
Instead, Jake quizzes Gia about marriage and family and is only slightly taken aback by the mention of a Chinese baby and a pot-bellied pig.
They are lulled by the soothing sounds of the countryside and the howling of nearby coyotes -- no wait, that's just the other girls, howling at the moon as they sharpen their claws and fangs.
PART TWO FOLLOWS
PART TWO:
ReplyDeleteThe next day, Jake announces he wants the girls to get dirty. Turns out, he means in the sand, in dune buggies.
In what is going to be a pattern of proprietary behaviour, Ali calls dibs on riding with Jake. Vienna, clad in the comfort of being his future wife, begrudgingly acquiesces to allowing Ali "30 minutes on a dune buggy" with Jake.
Vienna is mightily impressed when Jake comes along to push her stuck dune buggy. "He's my hero!' she simpers, missing no opportunity to lord it over the other girls.
At the (Pri) Madonna Inn, Ali stays true to character and calls dibs on the first shower. As the group date continues into the evening, Jake has many uneasy exchanges with the women.
In the first one, despite poor Ashleigh's valiant attempt at manual seduction, it becomes obvious that Jake has no physical chemistry with her and barely any desire to converse.
Ali's inner control freak makes another appearance, as she grills Jake on what he's going to do with his roses. Jake handles it admirably, shutting her down by telling her he's not going to worry about roses at the moment and just enjoy his time with her. Not surprisingly, that moment doesn't involve much kissing.
In yet another attempt at one upmanship, Vienna insists on being the last one Jake has some one-on-one time with that evening. Jake actually uses the words "red flag" and "concerned" and viewers are left hopeful but mystified (if Reality Steve is to be believed) about Vienna's chances at longevity.
Jake tries his hand at helping Vienna do some soul-searching about why nobody likes her, but Vienna insists it's because she jokes around a lot around the "uptight" women. Uh.. no, Vienna. You don't joke a lot. Actually, you seem to cry a lot.
Tenley gets some good kisses in and the group date rose, leaving a petulant Corrie to wonder why she bothered rolling down the hill with him when "I feel like Jake likes Tenley more." She accuses Jake of not feeling nervous enough around her.
Ali decides to doff her dominatrix duds and don her damsel disguise. She strokes Jake's ego by telling him he was "unbelievably honourable" to send both Ella and Kathryn home. She coyly tells him she's falling for him. "You are?" he asks, clearly flattered and very interested.
Even later, during THE MOST AWKWARD two-on-one date IN BACHELOR HISTORY (now why didn't Chris Harrison pop in to announce THAT superlative.... hmmm?), Ella and Kathryn have dinner with Jake in his cabin.
Nobody's having any fun, least of all the audience, and after some gallant talk about Ella's mothering skills and Kathryn's pulchritude (not to mention the expected stint spent gazing pensively over a railing) Jake lets both girls go.
Then, in one of the MOST STAGED MOMENTS in BACHELOR HISTORY (yoo hoo, Chris, where are you?) Jake destroys the coveted rose in the fire, along with the the dreams of yet two more hopeful women.
During THE MOST DRAMATIC Rose Ceremony in BACHELOR HISTORY (Chris?....), there is much scowling and gnashing of teeth among the girls, primarily Ali, who threatens to "have a conversation with Jake" should Vienna get a rose.
To universal shock and dismay in the group, Vienna does get a rose, but not before she is left waiting and wondering along with Ashleigh and Jessie, while Jake seeks out Chris Harrison and makes a garbled plea for permission to remove another rose from the women waiting in the wings.
So it's lucky Chris Harrison who gets the final rose and leaves Jake his clink-worthy butter knife to try to cut the tension during the MOST TENSE TOAST in BACHELOR HISTORY, while Ali looks as if she's eaten a pound of rancid Vienna sausage.
There you go, S.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your computer crashing. Those more computer savvy than I may be able to tell you if it is possible to hack into a thread on an ABC message board.
I have been on my thread today with no problems. I hope all is okay with your computer.
All the best,
M.