Young Adult Dystopian Literature – Part I

We’ve written some about Twilight and the many young adult novels that spun off from this. They follow a consistent pattern: a young outsider, usually a girl, becomes involved with someone who is even more of an outsider, usually because of ties to the supernatural. The clash of the two worlds creates the tension of forbidden love that drives the emotional side of the story. This clash also generates a pervasive danger that drives the action of the story. These novels are the contemporary heirs to the Gothic romance.

The genre has taken an interesting and original turn in recent years. The supernatural villains of YA novels are increasingly being replaced by nightmarish future societies. This is not precisely science fiction; at least they don’t read like science fiction. These stories are not about technologies or social trends run amok. These are about young people who attempt to form meaningful relationships despite their awful settings. These are the novels I’d be reading if I were sixteen.

The most famous of these is probably “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins. The book features Katniss, a fiercely independent teenager struggling to survive in a desperately poor coal mining town. The central government rules the continent with an iron fist. As a warning to potential opponents, annual games are held with children from across the country randomly chosen as sacrifices in a fight to the death. Needless to say, Katniss is one that number. This novel is not for the squeamish.

So why mention a novel based on such a cruel premise on Romantic Portrayals? Because our heroine is motivated not only by survival but also by romance. To make things even more interesting, the she is part of a love triangle. Basically this is “Gone with the Wind” crossed with “1984”. Naturally one of the two rivals is another participant in the games. So Katniss has the additional conflict that should they both live so long, one of them will have to kill the other to walk away from this game.

Romance turns up in the most unlikely of places.

Eat, Pray, Love

I found this hilarious, even though I have only read the book and have yet to see the movie.

Bleat, flay, loathe ... one man's search for God on a Cineplex screen

By Pete McMartin, Vancouver Sun August 24, 2010


The other night, I was weeping on the marble-tiled floor of my bathroom in my 4,000-square-foot suburban home with oak floors and granite kitchen countertops and four-car garage and in-ground swimming pool, praying to God. I was praying to God because my life was in ruins, and by that I mean my spiritual life was in ruins, not my material life, because I had sold short when the market went belly-up and made a killing. Still, what's money? Can money buy you happiness and enlightenment? No, unless you have really, really a lot of money.


Because I thought God would appreciate some humour before I got to the dramatic part, I told Him I was a big fan of His work, which I thought was a good line and would look good in print if, say, one day I happened to get a book deal about my search for spiritual enlightenment. But I'm funny like that. Funny, in that sort of way that makes people want to slap me hard on the side of my head. It's one of my best qualities, of which I have many.


Anyway, weeping. There I was on the floor blubbering away and I cried out to God, "God, what am I doing here?" Why was I trapped in this life with a lovely wife and three beautiful children and a six-figure income? Why was I being punished so?


And God, I swear, spoke to me. Or possibly it was the Xanax talking, I'm not sure. But the voice, which sounded like Morgan Freeman's, said, "Pete, get up and go to bed. Then have a couple of drinks. Then maybe take a hot shower because, frankly, you could use one. Then go to your local Cineplex and see Eat Pray Love, starring the luminous Julia Roberts. It will show you the way to spiritual enlightenment. And go to a Tuesday matinee, it's half price."


I did as God said. I went and saw Eat Pray Love. In the theatre were fellow spiritual enlightenment seekers, who, as it turned out, were mostly pairs of women of a certain age, and by a certain age I mean the post-hottie one. Still, I felt a kinship with them. We were all seeking spiritual enlightenment and balance in our lives, though maybe in the interest of more balance they could have started by not getting extra butter on their popcorn. But I quibble.


The movie started with aerial shots of southeast Asian rice paddies, with Julia, in voice-over, talking about female Cambodian and Vietnamese refugees who, chances are, had seen their families and children murdered and who had been raped or wounded, but who, when they went for counselling, Julia said, all they could talk about were boys and romance. "This is how we are," Julia said of all women, and I thought: How true. How true.


Then Julia appeared onscreen, visiting an old wise man in just the cutest little Balinese village. The wise man was named Ketut, and he had, like, three teeth. He looked like an Asian Mickey Rooney. Toothless Asian wise men living in cute villages, of course, know so much more about life than pale materialistic Westerners, though you have to wonder why so many Asian villagers continue to try to sneak into North America by boat. Don't they realize what they have?


Ketut reads her palm and predicts a whole lot of stuff will happen to Julia, who all the while has this look of concern on her face, despite being married to Billy Crudup and living in a restored Westchester mansion and having a successful writing career and having a black girlfriend, which is totally cool and shows that Julia can be comfortable with people of all hues and not just little Asian ones. When she gets back to North America, her husband cruelly suggests they go on vacation to Aruba, and Julia, rightfully enraged at this, says, "I don't want to go to Aruba. I don't want to be married."


And that's that. And then she meets James Franco, who has been miscast in the film as an actor, and she moves in with him, only to grow tired of him after they fold too many clothes together in a laundromat. She ends up one night on the floor beside his bed and she's crying and she says, "I don't know how to be here." Why she is lying on the floor instead of in bed is never explained, but usually with me it's because I've had too much to drink.


Then she travels to countries that all start with "I" -- Italy, India and Indonesia, but not Iraq because that would totally be a drag. Along the way, she eats, prays and loves, which explains the title, and says things like:

"I'm having a relationship with my pizza."

"Pain is a gift. Pain is the road to transformation."

"It won't last forever. Nothing does."


Again, all so true, though I was beginning to think that one thing that would last forever was the movie. In the end, though, Julia finally finds happiness with Javier Bardem, who is not quite as creepy as he was in No Country for Old Men.


I walked out of the theatre a changed man. I totally got the message of the movie, which was: "To find spiritual fulfilment and love, if you don't like where you are, be somewhere else, and bring travellers cheques."


So, on the way home, I decided I would fly off to Bali, or possibly Vegas, and look for love and spiritual enlightenment. When I got home, I went up to my wife and I said:

"I don't know how to be here any more."

That's when she hit me in the face with a frying pan, and I saw God.

Hot Canadian Jessie

If you're interested in Canadian Jessie from Toronto, you might want to check out her website.

Who knew? Do you think she was on Jake's season for the "right reasons"?

http://jessiesulidis.com/

More insight into the behind the scenes of The Bachelor

Rozlyn Papa was interviewed by Richmond Magazine.

Richmond Magazine


Some very interesting info about the show ie

Q:When you signed up for The Bachelor, did you think at all that you’d meet someone you’d have a relationship with?

A: When I signed up, they said [the competition is] between three guys: It’s going to be either Kipton, Reid or Jake. I never watched the show, so my sister and I YouTubed them. I talked to the producer, [who asked], “Is there any one that you like?” And I said, “Kipton and Reid, but I’m not interested in Jake.” And then, just before I left, they said it’s going to be Jake, and I said I’m not interested. They said, “Oh, it’s fine, just see what happens.”

They didn’t care that I wasn’t interested in him. So, for them to criticize me and say that I wasn’t there for the right reasons — they already knew that I wasn’t going to fall in love with this guy and that I wasn’t attracted to him. They’re not interested in that. They don’t care about people falling in love; they care about the ratings and the drama.

They have story-writers. Everything is very calculated. They knew going in that I wasn’t interested in this guy, but they cast me anyway. They were very much pursuing me to be on the show. It wasn’t the other way around.

and

Q: Do you think they planned to cast you as the villain?

A: Absolutely. Everybody on the show — unbeknownst to the cast — has a cast sheet. I wasn’t supposed to see this, but because I made friends with one of the producers, I saw my own. So, it gives your background information, your likes and dislikes and insecurities. I mentioned to somebody, “Oh, I’ve got skinny legs, and that makes me self-conscious.” They have that on there; they want to exploit the things that make you insecure.

And they also said that I was going to be this season’s Wes [a Bachelorette contestant who confessed to having a girlfriend at home]. So before I even got to the show, my cast sheet said I was going to be this season’s Wes and that I wasn’t going to get along with the other girls. That was my story line.

They can’t control everything; they can’t control what you do, but they have a basic guideline of how they want the season to play out.

There’s 25 girls [at the Bachelor mansion] the first night [of the show]. You get to L.A. a couple of days before filming starts and do the photo shoots and everything, but they actually fly out about 30 girls. And every single one of those 30 girls thinks they’re definitely on the show. In reality, five of those girls are backup girls. In case somebody backs out or won’t do what they want them to do, they’ve got replacements. They want to see who’s going to be dramatic enough for the camera and if they’re going to follow directions
__________________

Marianna's Musings: Ali's Episode 9

MARIANNA'S MUSINGS

This week, my musings come with a questionnaire.



1. WHO WAS THE BETTER ACTOR?


Unless being in "the bachelor bubble" has really messed with their sanity, the bachelors appeared to be following Fleissian production orders as they tried their hand at a little "acting".

Chris gazed goofily into the distant horizon, smiling and slowly nodding to himself. Had he magically transported himself to the land of unicorns and rainbows? Or perhaps he was receiving a message from his mother?

Roberto took time out from packing his suitcase to lie on his hotel bed and twirl a baseball, smiling secretly all the while. Was he reliving his Hometown Date? His last home run? Perhaps his last home-cooked meal?

Frank adopted a tortured moue as he paced the streets of downtown Chicago, scaring children, small dogs and assorted hobbits in his way. Was he thinking more of Ali or Nicole?



2. WOULD YOU BUY FRANK'S SCREENPLAY?


Frank's latest screenplay traces the saga of a man who goes back to his hometown to find his true love, at the risk of hurting the girl he's currently with.

Here are the opening lines, which he recited for us during his voiceover.

"My stomach is at my feet. My heart is in my throat. Mike Fleiss is on my back. My screenwriting career is in the toilet. Nicole's in a hotel room in Chicago. Ali's in a hut in Tahiti. My chest is out of my shirt."

What do you think? An instant hit?



3. WHO WON THE BLINKING CONTEST?


Nicole and Frank stared silently at each other, apparently concentrating on going as long as they could without blinking. But who won?

The winner will advance to the next round: a stare-off against the biggest non-blinking reptilian: Mike Fleiss.



4. WHO PACKED THE MOST SENSIBLY?


Was it Chris, who didn't believe in cluttering up his suitcase with neckties and formal wear?

Was it Roberto, who made room for a Lion King CD over anti-perspirant?

Or was it Frank, who came to Tahiti for a day to break up with Ali but brought 3 pieces of luggage -- presumably all bursting full of t-shirts dipping to his navel?



5. WHICH OF ALI'S LOOKS DID YOU LIKE BEST?


Was it sexy Ali, wearing a short, gauzy, low-cut dress during her dinner with Roberto?

Was it sporty Ali, clad in shorts and tank top for her date with Chris?

Or was it romantic Ali, with a flower adorning her hair, excitedly anticipating a sail ride with Frank but sadly getting the wind taken out of her sails instead.



6. BESIDES THE HEART-SHAPED ISLAND, WHICH OTHER SHAPES DID YOU SEE?


(With apologies to Rorschach)


Didn't the shapes of the sweat stains under Roberto's armpits look a bit like baseball trophies to you?

And those red spots on Chris' cheeks; didn't they seem uncannily to be in the shape of two unicorns, rocking on porch chairs?

And what about Frank? In the shadows cast by his man-cleavage, couldn't you just make out the letters of the Hollywood sign?



7. REPEAT OFFENDERS: WHAT IS STARTING TO IRRITATE YOU MORE THIS SEASON?


Is it the constant use of words such as "like", "amazing", "ridiculous" and "my journey" that punctuate 'bachspeak' ?

Or is it the overused theme of having a girlfriend back home?



8. WET BACHELOR VS DRY BACHELOR


Which bachelor's style of wading through water to get to a hut did you like the most?

Was it Roberto who didn't hesitate and got his shorts wet? Or was it Chris who had the foresight to hike them up and keep them dry?



9. WHAT'S YOUR HOUSEKEEPING STYLE?


Is it neat freak Nicole with her pristine hotel-like apartment, spotless and devoid of clutter, personal photos and knick knacks?

Or is it Ali who, by her own admission in her blog, shocked Roberto with a hut so messy that the floor was barely visible.



10. SHALLOW VS DEEP


What entertained you most: watching Chris and Roberto play with Ali in the shallow water or watching Frank go off the deep end?



11. WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU MORE LIKELY TO GO TO TAHITI?


What's the most attractive thing about Tahiti? The warm, azure ocean? The gorgeous tropical scenery? The exotic culture and cuisine?

Or is it that, apparently, just taking one walk on a Tahitian beach can mean coming home with a good start to a pearl necklace?



12. WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO BUT COLLAPSE?


It seems that, when in distress, Ali is only able to walk so far before collapsing.

Which was your favourite: her hotel corridoor collapse during Jake's season or this episode's collapse by the tree on the beach?



13. THE DOCTOR IS IN THE HUT


Who's your favourite tv relationship therapist: Dr. Phil or Dr. Chris?

What's next: Chris Harrison's own talk show, called "The Bachelor Padded Room", where he provides therapy and rehab for those who've appeared so frequently in various Fleiss productions that they can't remember their real identities anymore?



14. FANTASY SUITE 54


If Chris and Ali were in Fantasy Suite 54 and Ali and Roberto shared Fantasy Suite 53, who was that we caught a glimpse of in Fantasy Suite 55? Could it be....Nicole and Frank???!



15. DID YOU GET THE FEELING SOMETHING WAS MISSING?


You know what I'm talking about. "Ali. Gentlemen. Final rose tonight".

Come on, admit it. Didn't you feel just a little bit robbed?

Marianna's Musings: Ali's Episode 8

Chris Harrison, with his "Most Dramatic Ever" line, can't hold a candle to these daring or dubious distinctions:



MOST SEXY MOMENT EVER


I know, I know. The Fantasy Suite overnight dates may blow this moment out of the water. For now, though, Roberto standing behind Ali while teaching her how to bat was muy caliente.

He could have easily gotten to 3rd base right then and there if he'd wanted to.



MOST SEXIST MOMENT EVER

Roberto's dad has a lot of "concerns" because Ali will be so busy running her business that she may not "support" Roberto.

Ali gives a good answer about a happy marriage needing two fulfilled people. Roberto Sr. looks largely unconvinced.



MOST DOUBTFUL PARENT EVER


Roberto Sr. thinks his son is a "big prize". Everyone takes a few moments to go worship the trophies at the shrine of Roberto Jr. Pater familias is clearly worried that his son may not be happy with Ali.

Of course, in a Fleiss-induced moment of speedy clarity, he has an abrupt change of heart and gives his "blessings" as precipitously as Jake's family did with Vienna.

You know, sometimes it's just better to go with your first impression, isn't it.



MOST KLEENEX USED EVER


Chris' father talks about meeting his wife, losing his wife and the importance of family.

Tears run unashamedly down the cheeks of America.

Fleiss cannot believe his luck at having found the holy trinity of love, loss and loyalty.



MOST IRONIC SLOGAN EVER


'''Love is the only reality' is the slogan we live by," says Chris' wise dad.

Fleiss begs to differ. Details to follow later this summer on The Bachelor Pad.




MOST TOUCHING PARALLELS EVER


Chris quits his job to nurse his dying mother.

Ali quits her job to nurse her dying grandmother.

Frank quits his job to nurse his dying enthusiasm for the reality show process.




MOST ANIMALS IN ANY SEASON EVER


Not counting our taxidermy tour, we've had a Disneyfied mouse feeding off crumbs in the Bachelor house.

We've had a hungry stray kitty feeding off table scraps in Portugal.

And now, we have a wet and winsome black lab feeding off the attention of the camera crew in the front yard as she largely ignores her master's commands.

Come on, now, Chris Harrison. How can you say "we don't care about the dog?"




MOST UNCONVENTIONAL GREETING EVER


"So Ali, would you like to see my basement?" says Kirk's father barely five minutes after meeting her.



MOST HOSPITABLE DEAD SQUIRREL EVER

A stuffed squirrel sits jauntily in the liviing room, offering a juicy strawberry to all those who cross the DeWindt family threshold.




MOST SELF-EVIDENT LINE EVER

"KIrk he hasn't brought very many gals home," says Kirk's dad, offering Ali an elk-foot popsicle from his freezer.

Gee... I wonder why.




MOST FOREBODING DINNER CONVERSATION EVER


Kirk's dad to Kirk's previous girlfriend: "More venison?"

Kirk's girlfriend: "Oh, no thanks, I'm stuffed."

Kirk's dad: "Hmmm... that gives me an idea..."




MOST BATTLING BRACELETS IN A SEASON EVER


Kirk's mother-son LiveStrong bracelets vs. the Dennis bracelet it is decreed all Lambton women (present, past and future) must wear.




MOST MISSING CHEESE EVER


Uncharacteristically, Kirk's grandmother's cheesy potatoes were the cheesiest thing about this week's episode.

Lactose-intolerant bach fans everywhere rejoiced.



MOST MAN-CLEAVAGE EVER

In a desperate effort to seduce Ali and have her eliminate the competition, Frank wears a revealing low-cut top.




MOST LIKELY BACHELORETTE TO BE LIVING WITH IN-LAWS EVER

Two of the remaining three bachelors declare that she'd fit right in with the family and immediately start shopping for a bigger bed for their childhood rooms.




MOST PASSIVE MOMS EVER

Ironically, it was Chris' dead mother who made her presence felt the most during the home town visits.

Roberto's "passive" mother and Kirk's non-responsive step-mother shrunk in the shadows of their larger-than-life spouses.




MOST REVEALING REALITY MOMENT EVER

Ali realizes that her strong feelings for Jake last season were indeed a result of the 'Bachelor Love Bubble'.

Consequently, she is pointedly non-committal when Chris Harrison asks her if one of the remaining men could be her husband.


Good job, Ali, for not rabbiting on about how her husband is definitely there and how this process really works, yada, yada, yada. Eitther you're being refreshingly honest or you never became the bachelorette intending to find your husband.



MOST ROSES EVER


Not only does Ali have three roses to give out, she also has two dozen attached to her dress.

That way, if none of the remaining men turns out to be husband material, she can always wear that dress to her next social event, plucking the roses off it to distribute to the potential partners among the passers-by.



MOST SIGNATURE EXPRESSIONS EVER


Ali seems to have three signature expressions: the heartbroken pout, the forehead-wrinkling worried look and the wide-eyed and plastered smile look of discomfort and pretense.

She has recently been perfecting her pout at all Rose Ceremonies.



MOST EQUIVOCAL THANK-YOU EVER


Kirk to Ali: "Thanks, I guess. I gave all of myself to you and it's just not what you're looking for."

Kirk to self: "Oh why oh why didn't I tell my dad we'd meet him at the nearest AppleBee's?"

At the end of the day, being a jerk isn't going to get you anywhere in Hollywood.

This from PopEater, AOL's on line celebrity mag:

http://www.popeater.com/2010/07/10/jake-pavelka-vienna-girardi/

We want to take a moment and write Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi a quick memo on fame whoring. In order to be a successful fame whore, the kind of fame whore that can ultimately take that whoring to a new level and turn it into a career (i.e. Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Kate Gosselin, Kendra Wilkinson), you have to find a way to make yourself likable. Because with likability comes brandability and with brandability comes ever more opportunities to gain increasing levels of faux celebrity.

Jake and Vienna have gone about this all wrong with their public feuding and overall nastiness. It's a lesson that Jon and Kate Gosselin learned early in their divorce. The public turns against you when you get too mean.

PopEater's own Naughty But Nice Rob Shuter was even disgusted by the pair (And it takes a lot to disgust Mr. Shuter).

"After that interview their brand is worth less than BP!" Shuter exclaimed when we asked him about the pair. "It was a disaster. They both are done! It's so sad when two people we think we know turn out to be exact opposite! Not since the Britney meltdown have I had to readjust my opinion so much.

"Not that there is anything left of a celebrity career for either Jake or Vienna to really salvage, but if the two of them want some kind of future in the public eye, now would be the time for them to shut their traps and find a way to make themselves sympathetic characters.
They already have a tenuous grasp on celebrity. 'Bachelor' contestants have rarely been able to catapult themselves to the next level of faux fame. And save for Trista and Ryan, whom America loves because they seem nice and normal, most of them have dropped out of the public consciousness pretty quick.

"It took Trista and Ryan some time to achieve their level of fame and that happened because they were an anomaly. I don't think there was a whole lot of value to begin with for Jake and Vienna but what there was has been eroded by their behavior," explains Matt Delzell, a director with the celebrity licensing group at Davie Brown Entertainment, a marketing and branding firm. "To sustain brand value you have to show people you aren't just out for the fame and those two have proved otherwise."

And after their upsetting couch confrontation with Chris Harrison, both Jake and Vienna just seem so unlikable.

"There is an art to being famous for nothing. You MUST be likable, or have a scandal where you are the sympathetic character, or end up working with someone untouchable and beloved or be related to someone we adore (Nicole Richie) – this is why Spencer and Heidi didn't make a dime, why Octomom was shunned and why we adore Melissa Rycroft and Elizabeth Hasselbeck," explains 'Cult of Celebrity' author Cooper Lawrence. "Jake is a fame-seeking attention whore with no likable qualities and Vienna is worse. They aren't getting endorsement deals, book deals or anything that would make them big money because nobody would buy anything from them.

"So sadly for these two fame mongers, their fifteen minutes is about to be up. They could have stretched it into at least another 27 had they played their cards right, but at the end of the day, being a jerk isn't going to get you anywhere in Hollywood.

Saturday, Jul 10, 2010 11:01 ET

This week in crazy: Jake Pavelka

The former "Bachelor" was mean and snippy to his ex Vienna, but nothing says "nutso" like looking for love on TV

By Mary Elizabeth Williams

Reuters


We've long suspected that starring on a show with a dubious track record like "The Bachelor" is an indication of possible wackness. But this week, Jake Pavelka took it to a whole other level.


Tenley must sure be feeling like she dodged a bullet these days. After not quite winning Pavelka's heart last March, she went back to being just another freelance bachelorette. It was love-her-or-hate-her contender Vienna Girardi who got the rose-strewn, tears-inducing proposal, the underwhelming declaration from her man on the cover of People that "I didn't make a mistake." It was she who got to watch as Pavelka went on to bust assorted moves on "Dancing With the Stars," she who uprooted herself to Los Angeles to be near him. Gee, what could wrong?


Then, faster than you can say, "I'm selling my story to the tabloids," the romance went south. There were accusations of infidelity from him and "intimacy issues" from her. What? A "Bachelor" engagement that went bust? Shut up. On Monday, it all culminated in the most! tense! reunion! ever! with the two estranged lovebirds going at it on a Very Special episode of "The Bachelorette."


Far be it for us to suggest that Vienna came off looking like the person we'd most want to share our headstone with, but Jake? He really outdid himself. Registering his "disgust" at the woman he described on a March episode of "Good Morning Texas" as "everything I've ever wanted and so much more," he went from the Aw, shucks breakup guy who insisted, "I'm still processing" and "I'm in a really confused emotional state" to Mr. Anger Issues once Vienna starting pushing his numerous buttons.


What was it about Jake's performance that creeped us out so? The admission that he ripped her GPS out of her hand and threw it in the back seat when she had the temerity to second-guess his directions? His snotty, "And another interruption!" when she cut in on one of his disses? His chilly excuse, when she called him out on his lack of affection, "There's more in a relationship than sex or intimacy," and the weirdly "Big Love"-like follow-up: "What guy in America would ever want to be intimate with a woman that undermines him… emasculates and doesn't respect [him]?" All of that, for sure. But mostly it was the unnervingly Patrick Batemanesque gritted smile he returned to again and again, with detours into stony silence when she described him as "someone who was emotionally and physically not there with me," and an outraged "Stop interrupting me!" as she burst into tears, that made us want to disinfect the inside of our television.


Sure, Vienna seems like a lady for whom the term "high maintenance" might have been coined. But you picked her, Jake. You went on national television in your quest to find her. Then you forfeited your conjugal duties in favor of prime-time waltzing competitions and GPS-induced tantrums. And for the pièce de resistance, Prince Charming, you reminded us how people who grin like that when they're really, really angry give us very bad dreams. You're not the first Bachelor, and you won't be the last. But dude, you're definitely the craziest.

Marianna's Musings: Ali's Episode 7

In honour of the childish behaviour we witnessed during the Jake-Vienna interview, this week we have....


THE BACHELORETTE: MOTHER GOOSE EDITION




I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE


Ali invites Roberto on a date to be the king of her castle. Frantic Frank immediately begins to plot about how he can dig a moat so deep that Roberto never makes it anywhere near Ali's buttress.


But Roberto finds the drawbridge (the one in Lisbon is apparently just like the one in San Francisco!) and he spends the date kissing aforementioned buttress.





ALI AND FRANK, SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G



During part of the Most Awkward 2 on 1 Date Ever, Frank and Ali make out in a tree, while speaking Bachelorese to each other.


Luckily, Chris Harrison comes along with an English/Bachelorese dictionary.


Translation: If Ali thinks she's afraid of what she feels for Frank now, she's going to be twice as shooken up when she sees what's to come. Supposably.





THE GINGERHAIRED MAN


On his date, Kirk tells Ali he hasn't brought a woman home to meet his parents in three years and generally breaks up with his girlfriends within a year.


That's 'cause he runs, he runs, as fast as he can. They can't catch him; he's the gingerhaired man.




ALI HAD A LITTLE LAMB-TON


Chris motors along slowly and steadily-- on the scooter and in his relationship with Ali. He gets the last date before the Rose Ceremony, which he sees as strategically valuable.



He has also kept his gift for Ali until the time is right. He offers her a silver custom-made bracelet, complete with an engraving of his dead mother's signature.



Never mind that his mother's getting to see more of the world on Ali's season than Tenley's ex-husband did on Jake's season. It's jewellery, after all, and it earns him a roll on the grass with Ali and the first rose in the Rose Ceremony.




IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING, THE VIEWERS ARE SNORING



Ty is much less tickled about being turfed than he his about the good woman working 9 to 5.


Ali walks out in the rain with him. The rainbow stripes on her dress are, unfortunately, not colourfast and she returns to the mansion, a hodgepodge of hues. The black roots in her blond hair join the colourful cacophony.

Unfortunately, this is the only colourful moment in an otherwise clichéd, corny and conventional episode.

All that remains is for Chris Harrison to pop in to pronounce Ali the Most Lackadaisical Bachelorette Ever.



DOE, A DEER, A FEMALE DEER


Next week, Ali visits Kirk's house, where his dad treats her to a tour of the heads of all Kirk's ex-girlfriends, stuffed and mounted on the wall.

Ed's Blog is up

http://www.swiderski.info/

Not looking good for JED but I must say, they are handling things WAY better than Jake and Vienna. A new low for the Bachelor franchise, in my opinion.

I was on vacation for 9 days. Seems like I missed a lot!?!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN, JAKE PAVELKA SPEAKING

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain, Jake Pavelka speaking. I'd like to welcome you aboard Flight 666 today.



Our flight time should be 1 hour and 45 minutes, which, coincidentally, is about how long most of my relationships have lasted.



Our cruising altitude will be exactly 39,000 feet. No need to take out a tape measure, ladies and gentlemen, I've got it all under control. Last night I came out here and measured it myself, so that I could give you the exact specifications.



Today, our flight is non-stop L.A. via Hollywood, home of the stars and the celebrities, such as myself. In fact, I bet some of you remember me from The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, DWTS and Drop Dead Vienna....er...Diva.



Current conditions in Hollywood are 75 degrees, light winds, and broken clouds. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, that I can't fix those clouds any more than I can all my broken relationships.



Our inflight meal today is skewered crow, followed by a savary humble pie (baked by the good woman at home) and, to finish, your dessert choice of pound cake or snow pudding.



Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats at all times. Failure to do so will result in a stern look from me, Jake Pavelka, pilot and Hollywood star.



And please, ladies and gentlemen, no interrupting me while I am speaking or I may be forced to come out of the cockpit and raise my hand to you. Please listen attentively and just let me get out my side of the announcement.



At any time, should cabin pressure change, please attempt to appear normal.



We may experience some turbulence along the way but, ladies and gentlemen, I wish to remind you that this is no reason to undermine me, Jake Pavelka, your reality star pilot.



On behalf of the crew -- uh, actually, who gives a *&!@ about the crew, ladies and gentlemen -- on behalf of me, Jake Pavelka, we hope you enjoy your fright today on Air Narcissus.

Marianna's Musings: Ali's Episode 6

JUSTIN TIME



In a remarkable display of convenience, coincidence and casting, Chris Harrison finds Ali in her hotel room, and, with no apparent consideration of time zones, calls Canada.


After the Most Dramatic Five Rings Ever, none other than (former Bachelor and current Bachelor Pad contestant) Jessie (Suldaris) answers the phone.


Jessie, who I thought was still on set of The Bachelor Pad, just happens to be sitting at home with Justin's girlfriend, also named Jessica.


Justin, Jessie, Jessica... and wait, there's ANOTHER girlfriend somewhere? What's her name? Jezebel? Why wasn't she in the room too? Maybe because Mike Fleiss can't stand not to embellish the truth?



In a moment of the Sisterhood of the Travelling Two-timer, Ali bonds instantly to the wronged girlfriend and they have a little fake-cry and sympathy moment together. To Justin, Ali shows her aggressive, sarcastic and potty-mouthed side, questioning his very manhood.



At first Justin is sullen, next, he sulks, then attempts to stalk off. This is made difficult by Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss and several bulky crew members, who have managed to block him so that his only retreat is hopping over hedges and fleeing over fountains.



He hails a cab and gets in, only to discover that the driver is none other than... Kasey, who has trekked back from the glacier to teach Justin a lesson for not guarding and protecting Ali's heart.



Sadly, there is no camera in the cab to record what went on.





TY MASSAGE





Ali gets steamy-ish with southern gentleman Ty.



In a show of remarkable restraint (if one is to compare this to the hallmark "Hot tub Harris" scene with Jillian and Jason), they give each other massages (disappointingly, no one straddles anyone) while Ali tries to figure out if she likes Ty enough to keep him.


A big red flag goes up at dinnertime when Ty speaks out of both sides of his mouth, telling Ali he admires her ambition while his anecdotes of family and married life pay homage to the stay-at-home wife and mother.



Safe bet: Ambitious Ali and Traditional Ty will not be riding off into the sunset.



Still, for now, they are very cosy. Once back in the change room, Ali is surprised to find... Kasey, clutching a fresh pair of bandaids. He is here to guard and protect those nasty blisters Ali has on the back of her ankles.





RAPUNZEL, LET DOWN YOUR HAIR EXTENSIONS





On the group date, the men always have to pretend to search for a hidden Ali. Just follow the trail of the camera crew, guys!



This time, Ali is coyly concealed in a tall Turkish turret. The men call up to her and she lets down her impossibly long extensions for them to climb up.


If you look closely in between the turrets, you can spot Kasey, lurking nearby with a bottle of conditioner, true to his word to guard and protect her... hair.




POP-EYED AND OLIVE OIL



No sooner has Ali gotten rid of one slick wrestler, she now has to face five more!



This time, it's not the smear of scandal, the pommade of perfidy, which is making the bachelors slick, but rather the copious amounts of olive oil with which Ali liberally slathers their chiselled chests while assorted Turkish wrestlers wait nearby.



The men grunt and flail and throw each other to the ground, making eye-popping efforts to win a one-on-one date with Ali.



The least-chiselled man wins.





NO FIREWORKS FOR ALI





Craig loves Ali more than Ali loves Craig.



His expression gets more and more adoring as their date wears on but Ali keeps her distance. He moves in for a kiss; she hugs him back. He leans towards her, she keeps her distance, her hands clasped firmly together.



In the total absence of metaphorical fireworks for Ali, the literal fireworks go entirely to waste.



Luckily, Craig need not worry about one thing: While he is on his date with Ali, back in his corner of the room sits... Kasey, clutching Craig's oily-pants wrestling trophy in order to guard and protect it from Roberto, the oh so close runner up.





BAZAAR BEHAVIOUR





Frank and Ali stroll through a colourful Turkish spice bazaar . Belly-dancer Ali shakes her sequins. Frank a.k.a. The Great Karnak, looks on with wide-eyed appreciation. Bested by a wily salesman, he carries around a cumbersome and overpriced rug for the rest of the day.



After hearing the long list of pastries with pistachoes and various other ingredients, Frank teasingly asks the bakery owner if they happen to have anything with pistachoes. Without blinking an eye, the man patiently begins his demonstration again. Ali is in peals of laughter.


Shades of Jillian and Reid in the Spanish butcher shop, with a touch of "Soy Grande".



Although Frank's previous behaviour has been highly changeable, from obsessive to bitter, from lovestruck to distant, after their holiday postcard day and romantic dinner in a cistern, Ali proclaims that she has her old Frank back.


The gurgling sound you hear in the background is not the water of the cistern but Kasey, hiding in the shadows, agonizing about next week. Kasey's subtitles reveal that he knows that Frank is about to destroy Ali's previously guarded and protected heart.







MAGIC CARPET RIDE?



Frank may have bought a rug but is Ali about to have the rug pulled out from under her?



Is Frank going to disappear as fast as the proverbial fly-by-night carpet salesman, back to a place where he's not just on the fringe, competing with other guys for Ali's attentions? What kind of storyline is Fleiss weaving now? Have we seen this pattern before?





THE MOST DRAMATIC NON-EVENT EVER





Ali's had enough of the drama for one week. She calls off the cocktail party and, in the Speediest Rose Ceremony Ever, she tersely but regretfully bids adieu to a classy but crestfallen Craig.


Kasey, unbeknownst to all, however, has been waiting in the wings with a tray of drinks and for the chance to see Ali and his blood brothers again. Sadly, it is not to be. Kasey is devastated that Chris Harrison did absolutely nothing to guard and protect....the Cocktail Party.


And so, Ali toasts her remaining bachelors and announces the next destination: Portugal.


Kasey excitedly rushes off to his travel agent to make his reservations. He's heard that The Muppets are big in Portugal.

Interesting Article

I copied this from the BB. Thanks Chitown! I hope you don't mind, I think it was one to share here too.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-06-24/when-jake-and-vienna-break-up-the-bachelor-and-bachelorette-win/

Jake Pavelka: Vienna Girardi's no sex claim is "insane," I dumped her

Jake Pavelka: Vienna Girardi's no sex claim is "insane," I dumped her


By Christopher Rocchio, 06/24/2010

Jake Pavelka has labeled Vienna Girardi's claim that they split because he refused to be intimate with her as "insane."



"That's being dramatic and that's reaching," Pavelka told People in a cover story interview in the magazine's upcoming issue, according to Hollywood Life. "She has me mistaken for somebody else."

The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love couple issued a statement confirming their split on Monday night after Greek actor Gregory Michael said Girardi told him she was single and no longer with Pavelka when they met while attending a children's hospital prom near Los Angeles on Saturday and were subsequently seen kissing at a public beach party event in Santa Monica on Sunday.



It was later reported Pavelka that initiated the split because he felt Girardi was cheating with Michael, however he claims that was not the case.

"That is not what caused the breakup, but it's a factor," he told People. "I'm not going to be in a relationship that I don't fully trust."

While it might not have been the main cause of their split, Pavelka said he feels Girardi was unfaithful -- which she has denied.

"I'm not going to be surprised if more stuff comes out," Pavelka told People about Girardi's alleged infidelity. "I have no idea. I'm just putting my seatbelt on."

Instead, Pavelka claims he split from Girardi -- who has claimed that she was the one to end the relationship, not Pavelka -- because she sold her story to Star magazine, which published a cover story interview with Girardi this week.

"That seriously breaks my trust. I would never do that to her," he told People. "I am beside myself that she would dishonor the relationship like that."

Pavelka presented his final rose and a marriage proposal to Girardi -- and she accepted both during March's The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love finale broadcast, which filmed last fall. The couple subsequently told reporters they "definitely" would wed.


"For the skeptics out there, I followed my heart, and if I had to do it all over again, I would make the same decision over and over," he told People.

"I don't regret what I did."

Girardi's time as one of Pavelka's bachelorettes was a bumpy one -- as she was disliked by most of the season's other women and many viewers while also gaining tabloid attention for allegedly bilking her ex-husband out of thousands of dollars to pay for breast implants while he was deployed in Iraq.

"America couldn't stand that I chose her, and I'd defend her," Pavelka told People.

"For everything to come apart like this, I absolutely feel betrayed. I feel like I don't even know her."

In addition, Pavelka also described Girardi as unmotivated once they were together.

"[I told her] 'Babe, go get your experience, and I will support you.' But sleeping until 10:30 every day is not going to cut it, and it felt like a big load," he explained to People.

"It's not my place as a fiance to financially support somebody. It's been a lack of respect and support on her part."

According to Pavelka, Girardi also became extremely jealous of the post-The Bachelor opportunities that have come his way, which have included participating in Dancing with the Stars' tenth season.

"She was watching these doors fly open for me, and it was causing an intense amount of jealously," he told People.

Pavelka has previously stated he was "saddened" by the split and claimed the two will "remain friends" -- however he told People the romantic aspect of their relationship is finished for the time being.

"In my mind it's over," he said. "I'm never going to say never but I'm not pursuing her, and she's not pursuing me."

DUELLING ACCOUNTS OF THE JAKE-VIENNA CONFLICT

FROM STAR MAGAZINE:


Star Exclusive: Jake Pavelka Goes Psycho After Split with Vienna Girardi!
June 24, 2010 4:20 PM


Jake Pavelka has said that he and Vienna Girardi will remain friends post-split, but Star has learned that she's currently in hiding after he threatened to attack her!
Jake and Vienna saw each other for the first time since they ended their engagement when they filmed The Bachelor Breakup special for ABC — set to air July 5 — in Los Angeles late last night. And things got real ugly, really fast.

"Vienna was confronting him, exposing all his lies," a source tells Star. "He started screaming at her: 'Shut up! Don't belittle me! Don't question me! Shut up!' And all of a sudden, he literally jumped out of his chair, pulled back his fist and lunged at her! All of the executives were freaking out. They pulled him off of her and rushed them off to separate rooms."

The source continues, "The execs were screaming at him, 'What the heck are you doing?' And the camera people were all like, 'Oh my god, we can't use any of this.'"

Vienna was then shuttled off to an undisclosed location and currently has network representatives with her, making sure she is safe. "Vienna is scared to death," the source says. "She's all alone out there in L.A. and she's upset. She's terrified."

"She's never seen him be that mean," the source adds. "He's been a jerk and belittled her before, like 'You don't know what you're talking about.' And she's put up with it for the last four months, because she did everything she could to make the relationship work. But now she obviously knows she made the right decision. Who knows how ABC will try to splice and dice this and turn it around for their golden boy, making Vienna look bad like they always do. But people have to know what he did!"

Pick up the July 5 issue of Star today for our six-page interview with Vienna. In it she details how Jake stopped being intimate with her just a month into their relationship, how he was emotionally abusive and much more!


AND FROM US WEEKLY:


Exclusive: Vienna Storms Off in Tears During Jake Reunion Special

Thursday – June 24, 2010 – 5:12pm


Things got very heated between Jake Pavelka and ex-fiancee Vienna Girardi when they reunited for the first time since announcing their split at a two-hour ABC taping Thursday.

The two arrived separately at an undisclosed location to film the segment, set to air during The Bachelorette July 5, to discuss their highly publicized split.

Though Internet reports claim Pavelka, 32, raised a fist at Girardi, 24, an insider tells UsMagazine.com: "It did not happen. He was calm and collected."



At one point -- after Girardi kept continually cutting him off -- Pavelka stood up. But the insider says he simply asked, "Will you just let me finish?"

"He couldn't get a word out -- it was very reflective of their relationship," says the source, who adds that host Chris Harrison often had to tell Girardi, "Vienna, let him talk."



"Vienna was on the defense," the source tells Us. "She was trying to play victim."

She ended up storming off the set in tears.

"Jake has lost all respect for her," the source tells Us. "She crossed the line when she sold their relationship to Star."



The blow-up Thursday only reaffirmed that they made the right decision to call it quits, says the insider.

Adds the source, "They couldn’t even have an adult conversation while a mediator was there with them."

*****************************

Where does the truth lie?

MARIANNA'S MUSINGS: ALI'S EPISODE 5

AND NOW... THE MOST DRAMATIC MENU EVER




ICED TEAS AND MOLTEN LAVA CAKE



We're in the frozen land and a giggly Ali is in fine, flirty form. Her bundled-up bevy of bachelors are bracing for the ice of the land and the fire of Ali.


(And if she can't quite manage it on her own, there's some hot lava, erupting conveniently nearby).







CHILI CON QUESO



It's very cold out and the bachelors have one hour to make up the cheesiest poems they can about Ali. It is a resounding success.






TOAD IN THE HOLE



Six guys spelunking in a dark cave. What could be more romantic. But which frogs will turn into princes?









TWO PEAS IN A POD




Kirk and Ali don matching sweaters (which Kirk apparently never takes off again), blissfully ignorant of the smirks from locals in downtown Reykjavik.



Later, Ali finds out Kirk's big secret. That he scrapbooks? That he likes patterned sweaters?



No, apparently, he has never been with a woman for longer than a year because once, he got really sick and almost died.


Can you say non sequitur? Failing that, can you say fickle females? Did they all abandon him to cope with his illness asbestos he could on his own?







BANGERS AND MASH



Justin approaches the 2 on 1 date as Rated-R, vowing to knock Kasey right out of the ring.



After being hit on the head with one too many wrestling analogies, viewers everywhere wrestle with this question: Which is more fake, The Bachelorette or a wrestling match?









MIXED NUTS




Getting nuttier by the moment, Kasey rambles and repeats to the camera, to all the bachelors and even to some befuddled Icelanders in shops and in the street that he is Kasey Kahl and he is who he is.



Kasey really knows how to drive a point home. Here are some 'Kasey-isms', quoted verbatim, on this week's episode:


"I love to give; I love to share."


"I am genuine and I am sincere."


"The tattoo stands for my feelings, my emotions."


"I'm going to be myself and be who I am."


" I'm here to guard and protect Ali's heart."



Oh, and one more question. Was Kasey speaking Icelandic or Unicorn when they subtitled him?






GLACIER PUNCH




So Justin gets his cast off but it's Kasey who gets cast off.



An abandoned Kasey is left looking lost and lonely atop a glacier. Don't feel too sorry for him, though; we managed to get a glimpse of the second helicopter, dispatched to collect the doleful guardian of women's hearts everywhere.






SEARED FRANKFURTER




Frank remains a hot (and bothered) dog. Not only is he boiling about having to share Ali on a group date but he keeps furtively spying on her with other guys.




On the plus side, though, he does seem to be Kasey's only friend and confidant. The hug he gives Kasey just before the 2 on 1 date speaks volumes: After all, Frank has seen the tattoo and knows Kasey is going home that night.




Ali does seem very interested in Frank. She chides him for not giving his full effort. But he finally rewards her with "the look I was missing, the look that tells me you want me".







ALPHABET SOUP



Ali forgets her schooling again, as she says "supposably" instead of 'supposedly". Frankly, I am "shooken up" at this poor use of language coming from someone who graduated college with honours.






HOT FUDGE



Roberto fudges the "hot" question with slightly messy results.



Ali wonders aloud if he's too hot for her. Instead of telling her how beautiful SHE is, he feigns humility and manages to insult Ali in a roundabout way by saying "I don't think I'm that hot."









SAN FRANCISCO SOURDOUGH





Chris L. declares that he would gladly make his living dealing with the sour smell of garbage in San Francisco if Ali were to choose him. Ali find this sweet but the spark for her seems to be souring. Could their romance be toast?





NACHO MAN




While the boys are horsing around during the group date, a manly Ty gallops ahead and gains considerable ground in the race for Ali's heart.



An expert equestrian, Ty helps hapless horseman Chris L. This does not escape Ali's attention and admiration and she later rewards Ty, in the Hot Spring of Ardor (TM).






PICKLED PORK



Ali is feeling no pain as she strips down to her bikini and jumps into the steamy lake, giggling and raising the men's...hopes.






HALF MOON PIE



The men put their modesty behind them and strip down at The Blue Lagoon. The moon briefly goes behind a black censorship square.






BEEF STEW



Ali stews about whether she will be loved back. Chris Harrison has a beef with her lack of confidence and counsels her to take a chance on love.






CAT'S TONGUE COOKIES



Poor Chris N. There's no chemistry; he's literally at a loss for words and he doesn't even merit lunch twice a year.




THAT'S A WRAP



On the menu next week: Turkey

Jesse from Jake's season

Just FYI

I don't watch Entertainment Tonight Canada very often but had to check in tonight to hear about Jake/Vienna fallout. Jesse S (can't remember her surname) was a "guest announcer"
Guess I was just surprised, thought she had disappeared into the woodwork.

Just more proof that the only reason these people go on this show is for exposure, and certainly not romance.

Jillian's Revealing Comments

About the Jake/Vienna break up, Jillian tells the media:


“People think that [they] are just reality stars, relationships come and go, or they did it for publicity.


But the truth is someone is hurting here… Maybe [it's] both of them, and that saddens me. Even if everyone thought they ‘weren’t meant to be,’ they wanted to be, or wanted to prove they could be. And it is always heartbreaking when your goals or dreams don’t quite amount up to what you wanted them to be.


I send big hugs to both of them and hope their hearts heal quickly, and people are easy on them. Again, to remind people who are quick to judge — they are just regular people, who really believed in love.”




Sounds like she could be talking about herself and Ed, who are going through a "rough patch" at the moment, apparently exacerbated by alcohol.


Jillian has said she wants to take a break from talking to the world through twitter and facebook but she did tell the media that she and Ed have stopped drinking.


Her priority at the moment? A “healthy lifestyle and focusing on things that make [her] happy.”

JAKE AND VIENNA HAVE BROKEN UP

Jake Pavelka & Vienna Girardi: It’s Over!

June 21st, 2010

Author: Mary Beth Quirk

It seems the fairy tale romance that began for Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi on The Bachelor has come to an end.

A rep for the couple confirms to OK! exclusively that “Jake and Vienna have split and appreciate respect for their privacy at this time.”

The shocking news first came out on Saturday at the Children’s Hospital of Orange County Oncology Prom near L.A., where Vienna confessed to Greek actor Gregory Michael that her engagement was over.

“We hit it off and hung out and danced the night away, ” Gregory explains to OK!, adding, “She made it very clear that it was over with Jake.”


A close source to Jake and Vienna — who got engaged in March after he picked her as the winner of ABC’s reality dating contest — also confirmed the break-up.


A rep for ABC had not responded to our request for comment by the time this story was published.

HOT PHOTOS OF BACHELOR PAD CONTESTANTS

There's something here for everyone.


Koala, Jesse is looking fine in his photo.


Jim, Gia's picture is surely going to please you.


Wes seems to have bulked up for the occasion.


Tenley seems to have shed her Disney image, trying to look sultry, with longer hair (extensions? I can't tell the difference between badly dyed stringy hair and extensions anymore).


Craig is looking menacing and as 'dangerous' as ever, ready to lay into the Weatherman.



The Weatherman (sorry, Jonathan) is, characteristically covering his nether regions under water (either fearing 'shrinkage' or perhaps, protecting himself from violence from Craig?)



Elizabeth (the tease from Jake's season) has hair that's turned quite gold from the restraint of not letting men kiss her until she's good and ready, lol.



Natalie, the stuffed-bear loving girl from Jason's season, (who has been to every Jesse Cscinsak bach party and cruise) is looking as hopeful as ever that she'll finally get her time in the sun. Judging by what I've seen of her in the past, my best advice to her would be to stay out of the sun -- literally.


David Good is looking buff and manly, with the Man Code conveniently tattooed, for easy reference, on one bicep.


There is a surfeit of Jessies: Sulidis from Jake's season, Kovaks from Jillian's season and Beck, freshly rejected from Ali's season. Sadly, no sign of the one Jesse who has worked tirelessly to keep his name and his Bachelor association in the news: DeAnna's Jesse Csincsak.


Juan Barbieri is there, looking nervously over his shoulder to see if Dave Good is coming at him to thrust above-mentioned tattooed bicep in his face.


Nikki Kaapke from Jason's season is there -- also a fixture at the Csincsak parties -- to remind all the implanted woman what real boobs look like.


Michelle from Jason's season is there, hoping to clear her 'crazy' name (which is probably not what Fleiss had in mind when he casted her).


And, surprisingly, Kiptyn is there. Okay, maybe not that surprisingly, as he has participated in many post-show outings. Maybe he's just there to support his bach family. Or maybe he's there because there have been rumours about him and Tenley recently.



Here's the link. Sorry you can't just click on it (Can someone give me easy instructions on how to do that, for future links?) but you can copy and paste:

http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20055177_20394313,00.html

Unicorn Love – A Fantasy Reality Show

(as if there were any other kind)

Inspired by Chris L and Decogirl

The princess-to-be CinderAli stands before a fairytale castle, wringing her hands. A point of light appears above her, growing larger as it descends. It resolves into an elderly fairy.

Fairy God Mother: My dear are you ready to meet your suitors and find true love?

CinderAli: How can I be ready when I’m dressed in rags?

The fairy waves her wand and CinderAli is dressed in a beautiful blue gown. Bluebirds hover above her and tie a blue ribbon in her hair.

CinderAli: This is wonderful! Do you have it in yellow?

The fairy rolls her eyes but obliges her. With another wave of her wand, the dress turns yellow. The bluebirds remove the ribbon. Two canaries replace it with a yellow ribbon.

Fairy God Mother: Hark! Your suitors approach! I best be gone.

The fairy disappears in a ball of light. A dragon carrying a variety of different fantasy creatures lands beside the princess. A small man in a pointed hat and dark robes approaches her. He reaches behind his back and produces a thistle on a long stem.

Prognosticator: Drats! That was supposed to be a rose!

CinderAli: Are you a sorcerer?

Prognosticator: I haven’t got my license yet. I’m a prognosticator.

CinderAli: So you’re a sorcerer’s apprentice?

Prognosticator: I HATE when people call me that!

He starts to cry.

CinderAli: Sorry!

A large ogre carrying a giant club roughly pushes the prognosticator aside.

Prognosticator: Hey! I’d turn you into a frog if I passed Transmutation!

Ogre: You must be CinderAli.

CinderAli: You must be an ogre.

Ogre: You got a problem with that?

An elf appears riding a unicorn.

Elf: Excuse me ogre. Can I steal the princess away?

Ogre: Suit ye’self.

Elf: Why is it you guys all have Scottish accents anyway?

The ogre shakes his head and lumbers off.

Elf: Princess CinderAli, will you ride away with me?

He reaches down and lifts her atop the unicorn in front of him.

CinderAli: Oh my!

A cat in boots and a swashbuckling hat strides up. He speaks in a sexy Spanish accent.

Puss-in-Boots: Elf, I fear that you get ahead of yourself.

The cat draws his sword and cuts the saddle strap on the unicorn. The elf and the princess fall. The cat adroitly catches the princess. He sets her on her feet. She stands and addresses the crowd that has gathered around her.

CinderAli: We’re going to have a wonderful time here! On our group date, I’ll be kidnapped by an evil magician and you will all have to save me. Next, I will be put under a sleep spell and the one whose kiss awakens me will get extra points. Finally, the suitor who can retrieve the Rose of Continuation from the fabled Hot Spring of Ardor will win my heart.

Gia's commentary on Episode 4

I finally watched the episode online and discovered that they have one with commentary by Gia. They show messages in a side window that are timed to appear with the referenced events. I would have preferred a separate video showing her make the comments (preferably larger than the show window), but one can’t have everything. The website claims that this comment process will be opened up to everyone. I would guess that some of us will not be invited to participate.

Gia’s comments are not deep or even especially personal (she doesn’t say anything unkind about anyone, even Kasey). But it was Gia! For example, recall that Kasey attempted to wax poetic (Belle, could you give him some lessons, please?) about how Ali left her cocoon and became a butterfly. Gia’s entry was: “Aaaaaaaw Kasey, you are so sweet but that kind of talk hasn't worked with the ladies since the 1800's”.

I thought the funniest thing she said was about the Lion King duet. First she commented about his ample musculature and how cute he looked in the loincloth. When the rest of the guys expressed their jealousy, she wrote: “Oh stop, you're not jealous that Roberto is spending all of his time with Ali -- you're jealous because you want to wear his little costume.”

During the post-lobster birthday call to his father, Gia became smitten. Her comment: “Chris just jumped to the top of my list. A great guy with a great family.” I noted in a post in the first episode that Chris L seemed suitable to Gia. It seems there may be something to that. If Ali (or Fleiss) doesn’t snatch him up, perhaps Gia will.

Mara, where are you? You’re missing Gia-talk!

Marianna's Musings: Calling all bachboard peeps!

Yes, this is the right place to find Marianna's Musings. Welcome. Hope you'll stay a while and post your thoughts.

Marianna's Musings Thread: Calling Ocean, Chi, Ironcat, Dreamy, Jul, Ugh, whose, cherrries, kybach, barbu, and so many more!

Hope you googled to find this. Looking forward to you all (and others whom I've temporarily forgotten to mention) will come and post here.

Here we can't be muzzled by the BB mods.

Marianna

Marianna's Musings: Ali's Episode 4

SIX IN THE CITY



Six bachelors go to New York City to watch Roberto hoist Ali up on a high wire and wrap himself around her.





THE LOIN KING



In an unabashed attempt at getting more female (and no doubt some male -- it IS a Broadway show, after all) viewers swooning, the producers have Roberto clad in a fancy loincloth and not much else.


Can you feel his love tonight?





SOMEWHERE, OVER THE RAINBOW


Ali gets acquainted with Chris L.'s parents. Thanks to rainbows and AT&T, he is never too far from mom and dad. Ali hears about wonderful mom and speaks to dad. She is is utterly charmed and touched by the whole family and Chris's chance at F1 just gets better and better.






A NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM



There Fleiss goes, blatantly ripping off movie scenes again.



Kasey and Ali have a one-on-one date at the American Museum of Natural History. Kasey is so cringingly cheesy that he is one American who will soon naturally be history.






LOVE SICK



Ali must have a propensity to lose her voice when she gets sick. Remember her hoarse whisper as she presented Jake with a peacock feather at the Meet & Greet?



Despite Ali's contagious condition, Frank, Kirk and Chris L. are eager to kiss her, hug her, lie in bed with her and bring her soup. Caution is thrown to the wind and there is much exchanging of germy saliva.



A new virus, the F1N1, (also known as the 'swoon flu') is propagated.






UNICORN LOVE



Chris L. tells Ali the story of a land where Cupid rides a unicorn through fields of flowers, brandishing a sword and a rose and stone-encrusted shield. If we listen carefully, we can hear the chirping of Tenley Molzahn and the bluebirds of happiness. Cute Disney mice freely roam Bachelor mansions and scamper through the fields with the unicorns.



It's a beautiful place. Kasey lives here.






CAPTAIN KIRK




Kirk boldly goes where no man has gone before (this early in the game, anyway). This will now be the second time he and Ali are in or near a bed together.



Last week, he maximized his rolling-around-in-bed time with Ali, even after the director yelled cut. This week, he adroitly escorts an ill Ali to her suite and manages to tuck her into bed (but not before lots of cuddling and caressing).






KRAZY KASEY?




Either Mike Fleiss has outdone himself with editing and provoking the contestants or we really need someone to guard and protect Kasey from himself.



From his bizarre and untimely bouts of singing to his wrist tattoo representing Ali and the eleven remaining men (because she's his true love and the men are his blood brothers for life), Kasey wins the prize for most Krazy Kontestant ever.






GOING TO THE DOGS



Country boy Jesse is rejected by city girl Ali. She chooses Kasey over him and he bounds home happily to his dogs.






ALI MAY BE UNDER THE WEATHER BUT SHE'S OVER THE WEATHERMAN




There is a distinct chill in the air as Ali says goodbye to the weatherman. A possible storm was brewing as Jonathan's face clouded over and there appeared to be a slight chance of precipitation. However, he put up strong front and left, dry-eyed.



The skies are sunny again as the remaining bachelors discover they are next going to Iceland.

Have we come to a JED-end in the road?

On June 09, US Weekly said this about Jill and Ed going through a "rough patch":


"Like any other couple, our life is not perfect," Bachelorette star Jillian Harris tells US about her life with Ed Swiderski, 30. "We still love each other but there have been tiny bumps in the road". (One source of tension: "I like to be a hermit and Ed likes to go out with his friends."


Still, the designer, 30, who lives with her fiance of one year in Chicago says she's proud of how they've worked through their issues by communicating and giving each other space when needed.


And while their planned move to San Francisco is on hold, a wedding is not.


"I don't know when we're going to get married," she says. "But we're still moving forward."


*******



On June 8, the day before the US Weekly article appeared, Ed said this is on his website:


The Break-up


We were contacted last week by some tabloids, then a few messages tipping off some hot news coming in. This happens from time to time, though we have been doing a lot of press lately due to the new season, so it's expected.


Allegedly, Jill and I broke up and I have been seen "partying" and "around other girls." This is completely absurd. I mean, how in the world is this possible that I am seen out late...and I'm in the presence of women? The nerve of these people...just can't believe it!


Wait. Well maybe I can believe it. Last I checked I do not live in a monastery, and I'm definitely a bit of a frat boy at heart. Let's face it, I have fourteen of my college buddies living within two square miles of me. And I went to Michigan State, so these guys don't mess around. Not to mention Chicago is one of the world's largest adult playgrounds (and the most bars per capita in the US -very proud of this one). Don't get me wrong, I'm not out dating strippers and wearing Ed Hardy shirts either.


That said, Jill and I have had a few bumps here and there. Believe it or not, we actually have disagreed a few times too (I know, shocking!). And we are working through these things together. It's definitely not always easy, but we always stay positive.


There will always be rumors I'm sure. And there isn't a whole lot we can do about that. So keep 'em coming so I can restart my 15 minute clock over to the right! :)



******



And here's what Jillian tweeted the day before the article came out:



Good Morning Tabloids! Save your airmiles & your time, your working on a dry story ... @eswiderski & I are still going strong!
5:06 AM Jun 9th via web



And the day the article came out:



Had to laugh...Just read US weekly. It's not so much that I am a hermit... I'm just over so the bar scene. Especially city bars. Bleh
12:39 PM Jun 9th via Twitterrific


and


I do miss him, speculation does not drive actions, can't worry bout what others think, i'd go crazy! Lol thnk u 4 ur concern tho



However, she also tweeted cryptic messages such as these:



Exactly what the doctor ordered
1,276,463,577,000.00 via Twitterrific


and


Thank you, to all of you who have warmed my heart today... You know who you are.
1,276,555,571,000.00 via Twitterrific


and


thank you Gina... I needed to hear that today. Thanks for the reminder to keep it up. Xox
1,276,269,545,000.00 via Twitterrific


Also, she tweeted a link to her most recent interview, where she conspicuously refrains from mentioning Ed or her upcoming wedding at all (once the subject of oh so many tweets).


Check it out:


http://ow.ly/1YSL4



Finally, she appeared on Breakfast Television in Vancouver a day or so ago, waving her hand around, showing that she is not wearing her engagement ring.



What does all this mean? Is JED dead or alive?

Chris Harrison blogs Ali's Episode 4

Jun 15 2010 01:00 AM ET
Chris Harrison blogs ‘The Bachelorette’: Episode 4
by Chris Harrison



I’ve entitled this week’s episode “Guard and Protect Your Heart.” This was easily the best and yes, most dramatic episode so far. Before we dive in let’s answer some of your questions from last week. I love that somebody mentioned that none of the guys have hair on their chest. This person went on to ask if this is natural. Obviously, the answer is no. Most of the guys trim, shave, or wax their chest hair. I took a very informal poll (I asked one woman) and discovered that if a guy has a great body, then this is preferred. Now I pose this question to you: Is the hairless look preferred by most women, or do you stand by the old adage “Real men have chest hair”? Leave your comments below, and we’ll continue this debate next week.

Another commenter asked where the guys go after they are let go. The short answer is they go home. Obviously, they spend the night wherever we are, but they go home shortly after being eliminated. I know all the talk today around the water cooler (does anybody really ever talk around an actual water cooler?) is about Kasey and his actions this week. I need a minute to gather my thoughts and try to digest all of what I just saw, so let’s start with the other dates and then we’ll build up to Kasey.

The producers and staff know I love them, but I want to once again give major props to all those who create and put these dates together. This particular episode was visually awesome to watch. The Lion King group date on Broadway was unlike any date I’ve seen on this show. It’s incredible that the folks at The Lion King and Minskoff Theater allowed us on their stage for the date, but to actually permit us to be a part of their show is mind-blowing.

The first thing that stood out to me on this date was Jesse. Holy crap dude, you’ve got some vocal chops. Where have those been all season? Jesse’s singing blew everyone away, but it was Roberto who pulled out the smooth move and stole the show, literally. One of the guys brought up a great point about Roberto and Ali. They have shared some crazy moments together. Walking across a tightrope in downtown LA, performing in The Lion King. Those are the types of moments that relationships are built on, and the guys know this, and it’s killing them.

Ali got really sick the night of the Lion King date. She fought it off as long as she could, but the travel and schedule finally caught up with her. She was completely wiped out and lost her voice. She was such a trouper for rallying to celebrate Chris’ birthday with him. What did I tell you from day one about Chris L? I told you that you would fall in love with him. Well, if you haven’t fallen for this guy yet, you’re watching the wrong show. He’s such a solid man. He has good values and puts his family above all else; that’s a quality to be admired, and something I strongly believe in as well.

Okay, I’ve taken a deep breath: Let’s talk about Kasey. I’ve seen it all on this show. Every guy has his own style and his own way of sharing his feelings and love for a woman. Who am I to judge whether it’s right or wrong? So while I won’t say Kasey’s style is wrong, I have to ask, what is up with the singing? Once, okay, I’ll give you that. But four, five times? I loved the look on Ali’s face. She was speechless. It was so incredibly awkward for her. But at the end of that date she just chalked it up to a nervous, sweet guy who was trying too hard. So let me get this straight — a woman tells you to slow down and just relax, show her who you really are, and you go get a tattoo? What the *@#%? Hard to believe, I’m sure, but I am not a tattoo guy. Never had one and never will. With that said, I do know that if you are a tattoo guy, you probably shouldn’t get a permanent tattoo as a token of your love for a girl who’s dating not only you, but 10 other guys, too. Let’s take this a step further and talk about the placement of the tattoo. Again, I’m no expert, but on your wrist? At least Kasey didn’t get it on the small of his back. He explained the tattoo as a shield to protect Ali’s heart with eleven diamonds representing each guy still on the show. I’m pretty positive if Ali had seen this tattoo she wouldn’t have given him a rose. But Frank inadvertently saved Kasey by keeping him from exposing his new artwork to Ali. This ended up costing Jesse and Weatherman another week on the road to love. Eventually, Kasey will show Ali his new tat and we’ll see how she reacts.

Speaking of the road to love, as you heard Ali say, next stop is the land of fire and ice. Thanks to the active volcano, this trip was heavy on the fire. This week’s episode was really good, but fasten your seatbelts: The season is really about to take off.

Before signing off, I’d like to add a quick note about our new show Bachelor Pad. I’d like to officially welcome my friend Melissa Rycroft into the family as she will be helping me out as my co-host for the new show. We’ve just started production, and I can tell you already it’s going to be fantastic and unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The show will air on ABC on Monday nights beginning August 9, following Ali’s season of The Bachelorette. Keep your comments coming and a quick shout out to the Uncle Julio girls. See, I always keep my word! As always you can find me on Twitter @chrisbharrison and Facebook.
ew.com