Wes Hayden: The Bachelor Is "Full of S---"
US Magazine, Wednesday – October 14, 2009
Wes Hayden wishes his former Bachelorette costar Jake Pavelka the best of luck in his quest to find love as the new Bachelor.
"I hope he finds somebody and gets married because that show is full of s--t," he told Usmagazine.com Tuesday at the Fox Reality Channel's Reality Awards in L.A. "One marriage in 18 seasons? I mean, come on!"
Hayden said it's "absolutely impossible to find love" on the ABC show.
"Call me old fashioned and say that my moral compass is off, but is it OK for one woman to make out with 30 guys and in eight weeks dwindle it down to someone she is going to spend the rest of her life with?" he said.
"Look, love is a decision. You decide to love somebody, and it doesn’t happen overnight and that's what they are trying to do," he added. "That's why there has never been a marriage except for Ryan and Trista, and I heard they were already a couple before the show started. That's what I heard from the past contestants when I was off the show."
Hayden, who was accused of having a girlfriend on last season's Bachelorette, said he was upset with the way he was portrayed on the show.
"I saw one episode, and it was the very first one, and I was so upset that I didn't watch any other episodes," he said. "I mean, look at me! I'm sleeved out with tattoos! I've got the spiky hair!"
He said he didn't even want to do the show in the first place.
"In all honesty, my 17-year-old sister signed me up for the show, and I did it for her basically," he said. "I fell into something bigger than me that I didn't know anything about. I'll tell you one thing, I have people looking at me for other TV shows, and I know exactly what to do and what not to do the second time around."
As for the future of Bachelorette Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski?
"I love Jillian and I talk to her all the time on Facebook still," Hayden said. "If she gets married and has lots of babies and lives the American Dream, great. But honestly, I don't think that is going to happen."
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Okay -- I agree with Wes that much on the show is contrived but his claim that he never watched himself on the show after the first episode just doesn't wash with me.
ReplyDeleteAs many of these reality show contestants, Wes is hungry for publicity and concerned with his public image. It would be impossible for him to resist the lure of seeing himself on tv, no matter how he was portrayed.
But the more interesting point he made was that these shows, by virtue of how they're set up, make it impossible for two people genuinely to fall in love with each other.
What a perfect topic for discussion! It goes wonderfully with this blog's mission: analysing romance portrayed in the media and connecting it with our own realities.
Is this show simply a small step away from fiction?
Do these people actually feel real feelings or are they caught up with the excitement and the competitive nature of the show?
Or do they make a calculated move, chasing publicity, self-promotion and money more than true love?
Perhaps some of them do come into the show with honest goals about finding love.
In that case, then, what is it about the show that changes them?
Mike Fleiss and "The Bachelor(ette)": anathema to love?
Hi M,
ReplyDeleteAs long as we watch and analyze The Bachelor/Bachelorette we will argue about the level of fiction and reality present in the show. It is certain that at least some of each is present. But the line between them is very blurred and probably ever-moving. This is not solely tied to Fleiss' whim; reality itself must take some of the blame. Human nature generates so many results that look like fiction. I consider Jillian's choice of Ed to be "stranger than fiction". Who would have scripted that except in an absurdist comedy?
I don't believe it to be just shy of fiction. Rather, I see the show as a reflection of reality, although an exaggerated, contrived and condensed version of reality. If it didn't reflect reality to a large degree, watcher would tune out. Shows that took the dating theme and added bizarre and unnatural elements failed badly. People want to see romantic dates followed by difficult decision. What easier way to provide this then to allow non-actors to play out their own romantic desires and fantasies?
All the elements you describe are there: egos, lust for money, desire for public notice and approval, people carried away by the settings, etc. How is this any different from "real life"? Every sort of element I saw in The Bachelorette I've seen played out in the relationships among friends, family or acquaintances. Is this different for others?
All of The Bachelor traditions are common in less exaggerated forms: making romantic choices for the sake of the approval of others; allowing the malicious motivations of others to influence romantic decisions; choosing a less compatible potential partner because of appearance, money, security, etc. All of these are very common in life. All of these can be considered fictions.
We understand that the show is heavily if not ridiculously edited. That cannot influence the decisions made before the edits are broadcast. We know that the staff attempts to influence some of the decisions. How is that different from real life? We know that many participants are recruited, some to bring in drama, conflict and human interest. Is this ultimately different than dating at work or at a party? Would a truly random selection of people make the experience more real? Wouldn't most of them be dismissed immediately on looks and outward behavior alone?
I would not argue that there is little or no fiction in the show. Instead, I would point out that romantic relationships are as much or more about fiction as about reality. We don't have an absolute standard to compare against. We have no way to know how much is real or fictional in a relationship except when fiction is exposed. Singles are all in the same boat as the bachelors and bachelorettes on some level.
Now, I will propose a theory about why the show has such a dismal success rate, as measured by the number of successful marriages.
ReplyDeleteImagine you live in a society with peculiar marriage customs. You are an attractive and successful single. You must choose a marriage partner from among twenty-five attractive, successful singles. That group was collected by someone who knows nothing about you. You are free to make all decisions but in most cases you have only minutes of interaction before you decide. You will have the freedom to get to know maybe five of them at all, but not until after you dismissed the rest that you never got to know. What are the chances that true love will develop out of this scenario?
I think that this show resonates with many watchers who have struggled find love in the limited social circles they move through. I would guess that most of us who are neither very attractive nor wealthy have not had the luxury of twenty-five suitors in our lifetimes. We want to see it succeed beyond all reasonable likelihood because we want to believe it can happen.
I look forward to another season of comparing the reality and fiction of this show to our experiences.
Jim
Hi Jim,
ReplyDeleteI LOVED, LOVED, LOVED reading these comments of yours! How true. And how well put. (Of course, I have come to expect nothing less from you).
I have only one comment to add.
You say:
"I think that this show resonates with many watchers who have struggled find love in the limited social circles they move through. I would guess that most of us who are neither very attractive nor wealthy have not had the luxury of twenty-five suitors in our lifetimes".
To this, I respond:
We may not have the luxury (if it can be called that) of 25 suitors but we do have the luxury of exploring our relationships on a slightly less frenetic schedule than that given to contestants on The Bachelor(ette). I completely agree with you that this is where I think the root of the dismal success rate lies. Almost all of the contestants have said, at one time or another, that they wished they had more time to reflect on their decisions and more time to spend with their suitors.
Not sure if you noticed my post a while ago about the couples that have emerged from Biggest Loser. Not as many seasons and so far two great matches and they aren't even trying. Just people living under extraordinary circumstances and finding comfort and support from a "soul mate" (not very fond of that term but it works here).
ReplyDeleteAs a voyeuristic society what sort of "show" might be the best way to create an audience and more importantly "matches". Should E-Harmony create a show where they put people together with several of their matches? Would that be too ordinary. I know I for one am tired of the building jumping, hot tub scenes and dinners in obscure places. Not too sure what I would watch but I would dearly dearly love to actually watch love happen.
Yesterday was our first anniversary and we spent a lot of the day reflecting over our last five years together. As I told my husband I felt like my body was falling in love with him before my soul did. I almost remember the moment when he revealed something special about himself and my mind and soul knew what a special special person I had in my life. That took time.
PS -- to Marianna and Nadya I received two lovely gifts from my husband yesterday and he confided he purchased them back in August while I was in Starbucks meeting with two very special ladies - neat eh???
Speaking of "bad boys"....
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing. Where I sorta toyed with the idea that Wes couldn't possibly be as horrible as his edit, I'm back to thinking that he's exactly who he was on TV. Sure he was spliced and Fleissed, but, per his interview with Reality Steve, he did make some rude/crude comments. He wanted out in Banff. Jillian wanted him to be F1(never gonna happen). ABC needed to find a way to accommodate all parties, hence Wes's g-friend cover and Ed's return.
With the same logic, Jake, I think, is the swoony guy we watched. He's that sappy and sentimental. That's not a bad thing. Though I was taken more by Reid's wit, he, too, uttered cheesy lines: "Yeah, but I got to see you so that's all that matters"; and Kip had his "let's light this world on fire." We're all cheesy cuz frankly, sometimes being sentimental is the only way to express our joy or sadness. Actors, and Jake is one, do a better job at dramatically conveying those lines. He does overact, but sure, he's entitled to fall in love. The Bachelor for Jake, in my opinion, serves both the purposes of entering the entertainment business and possibly finding love.
Truth be told, I don't know who any of these people are. I know who their characters are, but their real, true personalities, no idea.
The more I read and sleuth, the more I believe that the show is 100% contrived. I believe that Reid and Wes and Ed were heavily recruited to join the cast with possible high remuneration. I think that the producers set up a story line, even an ending, and manipulate things in that direction. I believe that, though conversations might not be scripted, topics are definitely suggested. I believe certain scenes are staged. I believe that both the lead and the contestants are fed information about the other's feelings for them (as with why Reid was convinced Jill would pick him at the FRC). I believe that it's impossible not to develop some feelings for the lead given that the cast has limited outside contact, hangs out with the same sex except for brief encounters with the lead, and then experiences incredible, often adrenaline-centered-dates in exotic locales with their intended love. I believe that the farther this show has moved away from reality into a very controlled format, the farther we are from another Trista and Ryan. And, I'm inclined to believe that Fleiss knows that the audience wants that ending, and perhaps he's holding out with taking steps to increase compatibility until the show is axed to maintain viewership. In short, I believe it's fiction. Whether love contains both reality and fiction, I like to hope it's all real.
Depending on life's path come January, I may or may not decide to get to "know" Jake better. The whole show has me pretty annoyed right now.
P.S. Jo, I'm with you regarding them pulling E-Harmony into the mix. One of those dating sites would help TONS with the selection process.
I don't know...I dated with E-Harmony...and although I met many, many, many more men much better suited to me on paper than with any other dating site....there were never any sparks. Friendships sure, great buddies, sure, but no romance.
ReplyDeleteI think Leen and Marianna, you're right. In the Bachelor(ette) shows, it's the romantic atmosphere, the concentrated exposure and then prolonged non-exposure to the "desired one" that creates the pull we recognize first as longing or desire and then quite often, mistakenly call love.
It would be interesting to see what e-harmony produced...but I think what we call love comes from something else in addition to compatability quotients.
Hugs,
Nadya