Marianna's Musings: Final exam from Jake's season

Now that the season finale and ATFR have aired, it's time for you all to take your final exam. Pens and paper, everyone. Winner gets a free fondue pot and a year's supply of cheese.



1. At the St. Lucia outdoor market with Gia, why did Jake suddenly start bending his knees and swivelling ?


a) He wanted to celebrate his love for Gia

b) He was trying to relieve a wedgie

c) He was auditioning for Dancing With The Stars



2. Why did Jake's pants seem to get shorter and shorter this episode?


a) He got higher lifts leading up to the proposal scene

b) He was preparing for the inevitable flood of tears

c) He was working towards an eventual mankini



3. Why did Jake's parents, brothers and sisters-in-law all show up in St. Lucia?


a) They missed their daily family dog piles with Jake

b) Fleiss got a six-for-one coupon deal on a hotel room

c) They promised to provide free dental care to cast and crew



4. Why was Jake's dad crying so much?


a) His all-time favourite movie is "The Little Mermaid"

b) He'd found a copy of the script and saw the ending

c) He realized Fliess doesn't floss regularly



5. What's the best lesson Jake's family ever taught him?


a) No 'dog-piling' on a girl before marriage

b) Women are the glue; men just come unglued

c) Always wear drip-dry clothing when around pools



6. What's the best lesson Vienna's parents ever taught her?


a) Don't talk badly about others with your mouth full at the table

b) Trade pink cubic zirconia for Neil Lane diamonds every time

c) Your Bic razor can last a long time if you use it sparingly



7. Who also got a free trip to St. Lucia?


a) Jeffrey Osbourne

b) Rozlyn's producer's ex-wife

c) Tenley's ex-husband



8. What is the official food of the show?


a) Vienna sausage

b) Uncured ham

c) Cheese Whiz



9. Why did Jake's family change their initial impression of Vienna?


a) Fliess threatened to stick them with their hotel bill

b) Vinnie Girardi had some guys come by to 'talk' to them

c) They'd never seen such big teeth before



10. Why did the show take a trip to the mud baths?


a) Hot tubs and massage beds are so last season

b) Vienna wanted to try out Jake's future chest tattoo

c) Having practised it all season, the show wanted to sling mud for real



11. Which Disney creatures guided Tenley on her boating date with Jake?


a) Mermaids

b) Dolphins

c) Bluebirds



12. What was your favourite product placement on this episode?


a) Neil Lane diamonds

b) St. Lucia Tourism

c) Disney Corporation



13. What does Jake especially love about Tenley?


a) Her values and temperament

b) Her voice and dancing

c) That little hint of a mustache



14. What does Tenley especially love about Jake?


a) How good he always smells

b) How thoroughly he soaps his chest

c) How he never flubs his lines



15. What does Jake especially love about Vienna?


a) Her impeccable grammar

b) Her naturally long, blond hair

c) Her refreshing immaturity



16. On the ATFR episode, what did Jake call Vienna?


a) My bungee baby

b) My Hooter's honey

c) My Viennese vixen



17. What was the most suprising transformation of the ATFR show?


a) Ali quickly gets over her love for Jake in anticipation of 50 new guys

b) Vienna addresses the roots of her problems and gets a makeover

c) The audience, at first skeptical of the whole thing, warms up after a few cocktails



18. Where are Jake and Vienna going to call home for the next while?


a) Papa Vinnie's garage, so he can be close to his princess

b) As far away from Ali as humanly possible

c) Somewhere in L.A., close to DWTS studios



19. Who has formed the strongest pact?


a) Ali against Vienna, dragging the other bachelorettes along

b) Vienna against Ali, dragging Jake and the tabloids along

c) Fleiss against the thinking public, dragging Chris Harrison along



20. Arrange the following in the correct chronological order:


a) Ali leaves the show

b) Ali tries to come back to Jake

c) Ali get offered the role of new bachelorette