Good morning, once again -
I can't believe I've happened upon two rewarding threads on the ABC Board in one morning. Does this mean I should once again spend a bunch of time there? No!! Interestingly, both were started by the same poster, ChicagoGoldCoast. The first thread linked to an article about a new interview with Kip and I did a post about that thread a short while ago. The title of the second thread is as above. There were some touching and amazing responses to the query.
I do believe in soulmates, the romantic kind and other kinds. I'll think about writing more about that another time. At present, I need to run some errands and take my mother to a doctor's appointment. First step, get out of my jammies! Yikes!! It's already 10:45 AM here!
Scotty
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Ahhh!
ReplyDeleteA very interesting topic that should start some interesting discussion. I know that I believe everyone has a few soulmates someone in the world but that most of us aren't lucky enough to find them. Even if we do, they may be the wrong age, the wrong gender, in the wrong place, or already married. Too much is left to chance. If you are very, very lucky and all your stars are in the right places, you may find one of them, you'll both be free, and within a compatible age bracket.
But I think that most of us need to look instead for the compatible person that makes our heart sing. That in itself is hard enough, and I count those of us that find that to be blessed indeed.
I absolutely believe in soulmates. My husband and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary this Novemeber. I can't imagine anyone else I want to head into my midlife and golden years with.
ReplyDeleteTruth be told he and I were in the same place at the same time all throughout our lives, but don't remember meeting. We knew many of the same people growing up, but again never met until 21 years ago. I believe that he is my soulmate. Maybe I romanticize everything too much, but when you have been lucky in the love department as I have you feel you have that option.
I always want people to find the one for them and be ecstatic for the rest of their lives. But society shows us that is more unlikely than likely. Which is a shame. I guess I will always have what I call the "fairy tale" mentality. If you believe your soulmate is out there and you leave yourself open to possibilities it will happen. Now you know why many people have called me a modern day Pollyanna. Have a great day y'all.
HCM
Melanie
Scotty, this is a very provocative question. It’s hard to answer in part because there may not be a consensus about the definition of a soulmate. There’s no consensus about what constitutes a soul! Still, the question is worth thinking about.
ReplyDeleteNadya and I believe that our meeting was somehow tied to Providence. We connected through a very narrow window. After many years of online dating, Nadya decided to let her account lapse. School was starting up and she had had enough. Meanwhile, I had been ill for a few years and had avoided online dating during that time. I finally felt strong enough to consider dating again. Even then, I debated with myself if the timing was right. I finally started up an account on Yahoo and found Nadya. This was just two weeks before she was going offline for the foreseeable future.
So, in answer to the question, I do believe that soulmates do exist. I think there are things that are meant to be. I also think that we can choose to turn those things away, that we can alter fate. I also suspect that soulmates are not necessarily for everyone. I don’t know that a lot of people would know what to do with their soulmates if they met them. I would not advise others to hold out for someone they are convinced is their soulmate. That could really backfire.
Melanie, your story is amazing. I don’t believe that the parallel life threads between you and your husband can be a coincidence. It’s a great encouragement that you found each other at the proper time and that the two of you have been so happy for so long.
I’ve thought about doing a screenplay about soulmates recently and I had in mind to start it in a way that’s similar to what you lived. The hero and heroine grow up far apart but meet in places far from either one of them at different times while growing up. They meet briefly when they are seven, again at twelve and yet again at 18. Each meeting has a lasting effect on both of them but they don’t realize at the time that this was the same person. When they meet in their mid-twenties, they recognize each other and eventually discover their past meetings, plus other unlikely parallels as they get to know each other and fall in love.
Because this romance will be more drama than comedy, I have to put my lovers through some difficult times before all is well in the end. That part will be much harder to write.
Jim
I believe "somewhat" in soulmates but I believe more in destiny. For many reasons I know that I was led to both my husbands for each stage of my life.
ReplyDeleteWhen I emerged onto the dating scene in 2002 I was pretty much an open wound and met some "interesting" men. One was probably the best friend I could imagine but not great love material - I adored him and wish we could still be friends but it wasn't meant to be in any way shape or form.
Now like your story Jim and Nadya - our meeting was very much like there were greater powers at work for us.
I spent a year being involved online with a great guy from NYC - I did love him very much and was ready to pick up my life in Vancouver and go back to live with him. It also wasn't meant to be, I started to realize how much his drinking was a problem (full blown problem), he hid it a bit during the first visits but when he got more comfortable I could see it clearly and I knew I had to end the relationship -- but darn it I loved NYC and enjoyed being in his company.
In May of 2004 I decided to register with an online dating site -- the first night I met a great guy - we clicked and soon moved to yahoo chat. Unfortunately within about a week he went silent - I didn't mind too much I was heading out to NYC and needed a completely clear head to end my long distance relationship. I came home after the trip feeling better about myself than I had in a long time and decided that I had no desire to meet anyone permanent. I actually had a great FWB and I thought that was enough for this new stage of my life. I was getting my house ready to sell and move alone for the first time in my life.
When I would get bored I would turn back to this one online site and on July 1 (holiday in Canada) I went online. First guy that popped up was Mr Silent from back in May. I told him I didn't give anyone second chances. No way no how would I even chat with him. Well he asked for a second chance - he was so sweet about it and we agreed to meet live face to face four days later.
So destiny brought my second great love into my life -- I believe if I would not have been able to deal with NYC so well had my feelings been clouded with Mr Silent (who is now Mr Joanne LOL). Is he my soulmate - I am not so sure - he is the best thing to happen to me this decade and for many decades to come.
Quite randomly, I'll pick up this book I purchased when I was a college senior, when I was searching and lost and wide-eyed, this book called "God in All Worlds." It's this mini-bible that culls spiritual texts from every creed into one handy tome. It works for me because for me, God cannot be limited to one faith. He's too big for that. Like most things spiritual, it's mystical that the page you open to on any given day seems to perfectly align with your current state of mind. The day of the soul mate post it opened to this passage entitled, The Twin Soul.
ReplyDeleteA twin soul is the other half of your soul created simultaneous in time though then split and evolved at different times and places. Most of the passage talks about the specifics of a twin-soul, finding him/her, which for me seems kinda bogus, but this line I buy: twin souls recognize each other with absolute certainty and can never leave one another.
In contrast, soul mates. My high school theology teacher expanded my notion of a soul mate beyond that of conventional wisdom/romantic comedydom. She shared that we have many soul mates. I struggled with the non-romantic notion behind that theory. For someone who likes certainty, definites, the right answer, the idea that multiple mates, who are "perfect for me", blew my mind. I'm only looking for one. But then I came to this understanding. Soul mates are both male and female. They reflect your soul in such away that they polish it through heartbreak or heartening. They're not destined for a lifetime.
When reading Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert, I came upon this passage that I think perfectly summarizes soul mates:
"Your problem is that you don't understand what that word [soul mate] means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then they leave. And thank God for it. "
I've known soul mates, both male and female, both as friends and significant others. Surely, I'll know more in my lifetime. But I'm looking for a twin soul. I'm looking for the one I can't leave. Which relationship is more intimate? I don't know yet, but I'd like to think that my twin soul while at first being a soul mate is also my destiny. I'm hoping that together we wake each other up to life. I'm hoping we make each other better humans. I'm hoping.
There is so much to think about here! I suspect that part of the difficulty of answering this question is finding agreement about what a soulmate really is. I tend to favor thinking of a soulmate as a soul's mirror, reflecting back our natures faithfully. I agree with Nadya and Leen that each of us can have many such reflecting souls in the world, from both genders and of different ages and cultures. We do not need to be romantically involved to benefit from this self-knowledge. The bonds we form with such people are not always lifelong.
ReplyDeleteCertainly, these kinds of relationships are not easy ones. These are not ideally compatible people who are extremely easy to be around. When a successful marriage is forged between two reflecting souls, the results can be powerful and rewarding. I see John and Abigail Adams and Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt as examples of such pairings.
I don't think this kind of relationship is for everyone. People need to have a dedication to truth and self-discovery to benefit from a daily look into their own souls. Not everyone seeks this in life.
I'm not familiar with the concept of twin souls. My problem with this idea is that so few seem to find that twin. It's sad to think that they might exist but apart from us. Either we never meet them or we do not recognize them for who they are.
Jim