Something Silly - The Bend N Fold Bugle

Just for fun. I posted this on the board and thought you guys might get a kick out of it. This is my genre. Crazy talent, I know . . . I can't really put it on my resume! I hope you enjoy the respite from our Bachelorette Syndrome. :)

The Bend N Fold Bugle
A weekly newsletter for skanks, by skanks and about skanks.
(Because nobody blows a bugle better than the Bend N Fold gals)


Come One, Come All - By Lacey Thangs

Mondays are Bearded Lady Nights at the Bend N Fold. C’mon gals, don’t let a little facial hair keep you away from all the fun! Join some of your shave-worthy sisters for a night you’ll never forget! No cover charge for bearded ladies. Sorry to all you stubble-chasin’ men out there: $5 cover to mix it up with all the Hairy Harriets you can handle this side of the Mississippi!

More Bounce to the Ounce Nights are Tuesdays at the Bend N Fold. We offer a little something for everyone. Doing your laundry? Enjoy our buy one get one specials on Bounce dryer sheets. Looking for entertainment? Enjoy Meanie “Bounce” Beckworth’s pole stylings while knocking back $1 longnecks. And, as if that wasn’t enough already, nothing bounces better than balls (except for Meanie)! Dig into a baker’s dozen of your choice of Reid Velvet Cake Balls or Gunderballs for only $1.29.

Jug-o-Hump Days aren’t to be missed! Sit back and suck down any flavor jugotini for $1 while you watch Jugsy Malone’s provoking pole play, which she perfected while on sabbatical in Thailand. Amazing!

Bubbles, Bubbles and more Bubbles on Thursdays at the BNF. Pay your cover charge and receive a sample of laundry detergent. Mosey on over to the stage during your spin cycle to watch Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s chimp, and Bubbles LaRue in their one-of-a-kind tribute to the Late King of Pop: “Just Beat It.” Hustler calls it “tender, tearful and titillating entertainment.”

Thursdays are Amateur Nights. Come and heckle all the local talent as they try to master the fine art of pole dancing. (Amateurs: The BNF is not responsible for any injuries received during your routine. Helmets and knee pads are recommended. Actually, knee pads are recommended whether you plan to dance or not. Check out our bedazzled knee pads in our gift shop or at Floozique Boutique, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Bend N Fold.)

Tramp Stamp Fridays. Bare your tramp stamp for Pepe at the door and receive free admission. Unique tramp stamps will be photographed and placed on our Wall of Shame. Then, give a shout out to our very own Tramp Stamp, Friday’s headline act. No one shakes it like Tramp!

Saturdays are Theme Nights because we like to shake it up down at the BNF. This week’s theme, “101 Places to Wear a Rose.” Next week, join Tanner Pope from the Bachelorette for a panel discussion entitled “Mango Mango Madness – Do It Yourself Sexy Feet.” Read the Bend N Fold Bugle each week to find out what exciting themes we have planned.

Saints and Sinners Sundays. Join in the BNF’s prayer circle and bible reading with Jake from the Bachelorette. Pants are optional. Believe it!


Babes Give Back – By Trixie Tickler

Receive a free longneck and earn an entry into our monthly Bedazzler Sweepstakes if you can correctly finish the Bend N Fold Bugle Crossword on page 2 of the Bugle. July’s bedazzler goes to Honey Hornay from Intercourse, PA. The BNF seeks to beautify our community by giving everyone a chance to sparkle. Proceeds from the sale of Bedazzler Sweepstakes tickets are used to purchase wax for the poles. Remaining funds are donated to Skanks Without Sparkle, a non-profit organization that gives underprivileged skanks a chance to shine. (Not valid in Vermont.)


It’s a Road Trip, Skanks! By Candy Apples and Brandy Alexander

Hey ya’ll, it’s time for this year’s BNF Road Trip! You know how wild last year’s trip was, so you won’t want to miss this one! Who isn’t proud of their TV debut on “Girls Gone Wild” following that trip? This year’s destination . . . Chihuahua, Mexico! For $59.95, you can make memories to last a lifetime - $37 for the round-trip Greyhound ticket and $22.95 for lodging (10 to a room at Motel Six. Free HBO included.) Please bring extra money for meals and drinks or pack your own vittles. We’ll be visiting the Wes Hayden “Love Don’t Come Easy” Museum. (Believe it or not, there is no entry fee.) Also, you don’t want to miss the historical tour of the Tequila factory where Footless Bird first developed his taste for the worm in the bottle that led to his infamous stint in rehab (details in the next BNF Bugle). As if that wasn’t enough, we’ll top it all of with shopping at Heads N Beds, where the elite go for all their siesta needs. (You may recall that this is where the talented Poeta Birdwright, our esteemed editor, purchased the fancy sombrero she wore when she was inducted as Chihuahua’s Poet Laureate.) This trip is NOT TO BE MISSED!!


Pepe’s Corner

Note to customers: Please tip our dancers with paper money or food stamps. Our lovely ladies appreciate your generosity in any form, but last month, we had 3 injuries resulting from patrons tossing tokens from the change machine on the laundry side of the Bend N Fold - two cases of severe welts and one unfortunate incident where Venus lost an eye. She will now be dancing under the name of Crystal. (Thanks to everyone who contributed to the collection to buy her that glass eye.)